It's Christmas Time...

The one upside of winter is Christmas. I'm not a cold weather girl but there's something about all the houses lit up that makes it a bit better. I'm not sure if I could get used to a warm weather Christmas - there's something a bit more magical about snow glistening as opposed to sun burnt skin glistening...

So it's Christmas Eve, there's a threat of snow (which sends everyone in an extreme panic here), the tree is up, Christmas songs are blasting, and the presents are wrapped. I'd like to say C (the puppy) is asleep with visions of sugarplums dancing in her head but she's pawing at my leg whining... I guess the concept of Santa and being good is lost on her.

This year, I've decided to host Christmas dinner. I figured there are only so many years of being a married "grown up" that you can get out of it. Besides, I've learned a surprising fact about myself - I actually don't mind cooking (it's the cleaning up I don't like... and those recipes with a thousand steps). Part of me is a bit excited. The other part of me is up here procrastinating.

So I drafted a menu on Monday. I had actually had the menu in my head for about a week - tweaking and editing before I wrote it down. I decided to go easy but fancy. No pre-made frozen things here. Christmas, Thanksgiving and Easter are about the only times you can drag out all those fancy bad for you foods with tons of butter (the cake I'm making now has two sticks - yum). For all my fab food - I bought three cartons of eggs and two packs of stick butter - I felt like a mini-Paula Dean.

So my menu you ask? Ham or course. I'm not brave enough to take on a Turkey. Spinach and Rice Bake (because bake sounds better than casserole that makes my three year old self run for cover gagging), broccoli and cheese, baked pineapple, about three different kinds of dessert, humus dip (my nod to healthy), sweet potatoes (and if you think this is healthy wait til I drench it in marshmallows and cinnamon). I am cheating and bought brown and serve rolls and canned cranberry sauce (although this my next goal to conquer homemade).

My only worry (aside from any of the recipes messing up?) is that the snow will mess up the plans for everyone to come over and I'll be stuck eating side dishes for the next week and a half. Snow party anyone? You bring the wine - I'll supply the food. :)

Merry Christmas! Hope Santa is good to everyone.

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

Is it me or does Christmas get earlier and earlier each year? I feel like August is barely over and the stores are decking the halls with pine branches, huge red and silver balls, and lights. The promos I'm getting in the mail all scream holiday looks or holiday sale. It's only November. Not even Thanksgiving yet. Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas. I feel like a kid in a candy...err toy store at Christmas. I still look through the Toys R Us wish book and wish that I was five again because toys are way cooler now than anything I had. I write up Christmas wish lists and feverishly email them out to my mom hoping against hope this is the year the car with the bow will be in the driveway, or a new laptop is under the tree, or I finally get a pony... hey a girl can dream right? I love decorating, I was thinking today if it was too early to breakout the lights and start hanging garland but then remembered that pesky little Thanksgiving holiday (joking) and decided I should wait it out a week or so more. I love everything about Christmas and I think I love it most of all for all the traditions, the getting up early hoping Santa came, making orange cinnamon rolls and a huge breakfast, going to midnight Christmas Eve service, the carols, the parties, the lights... you get the picture.

But Christmas also wraps me up with anxiety. And it's because it can be so commercial. The I need to buy gifts for every person I've ever met and they better be good aspect. I'm not the type of person that can run in Macy's select five scarves of various color and call it a day. I agonize over gifts. I'll spend hours, days even, wondering if I made the right selection. Do you know how hard it is to find good gifts under $50, under $30, under $20? Pretty much impossible. And don't let those stupid magazines tell you that you're BFF wants some designer lipstick for $35. It looks impossibly cheap all wrapped up in a huge box with nothing else. I don't care if Dior is stamped all over it.

I want people to like the gifts. I want something meaningful not something that's thrown in the closet at the end of the holidays and never sees the light of day again.

This year, K is on a big kick to stop giving gifts to randoms; those people family/friends/acquaintances that fall into a category of people you hardly ever see but each year you still shell out a good amount of money for gifts for them, their kids, their dogs, their mailman... ok kidding. The thing is, if I agonize about what gifts to get, I'm even worse at telling people I don't want to give them a gift. Let's face it - it's awkward. And sometimes its not that I don't want to give you a gift, it's more budget right now doesn't allow for it. Any hints for making this conversation go over better? Because I can't think of anything and believe me I practice in my car all the time. Other drives probably think I'm one of those bonkers people talk to themselves. Thank God for Bluetooth - I could easily be talking to someone else for all they know.

And so, today is supposed to be my first day of Christmas shopping. My first stab at what to get people. And so far the only person I'm sure about is my dog C. She's so much easier to please, a few Greenies, a new toy and maybe a sweater and we're set. She'd be happy if I gave her a slice of cheese and called it a day. I'm debating spending the holidays shopping online - hello Amazon and Etsy. Maybe my next post will be all the fabulous things you could give someone for Christmas.... that's an idea.

So what's your take on all the gift giving? Are you the type that goes shopping Christmas Eve and hopes for the best or do you spend hours researching and planning and then stressing about what to get everyone? Good luck shopping!

Another Car Post...

This car buying thing is consuming my life right now so of course it's consuming the blog. I thought car buying might be fun - there's nothing like a new car smell, flashy accessories, and a shiny bright new car with you behind the steering wheel. The only hesitation I had was the sales people. Let's face it - car salesmen have the rep of being sleazy DBs. I'll be nice and say up front not all the ones I met were DBs but there were some in the mix.

My car buying strategy - don't bring your trade and straight up tell them you're just test driving the car but will come back if you like it. Don't talk money and leave after the test drive. You need time to think and research - don't be seduced by that new car smell and the threat that your dream car will be sold tomorrow. Cars are mass produced so even if your car sold tomorrow a new one would show up in a day or so.

But here's what I want to say to the bad car salesmen out there (all the stuff K and I have joked about):
1. Don't underestimate me. Ever see Pretty Woman? Know that scene where the saleslady won't help her because she looks like a total prostitute and then later she comes back all dressed up and looking gorgeous with a ton of shopping bags. And she says something to the effect of "big mistake, huge". I've always wanted to have one of those moments. Because let's face it we've all been mistreated by some loser out there.

I might be in a hoody and leggings looking like a broke college student but you never know what's actually in my wallet or my intentions. You might not think I know anything about how a car works, and you'd be right, but humor me and at least open the hood (out of all the dealers only one has lifted the hood). When you start to underestimate me - I think you a. don't want the sale because you're not working for it and b. you're questioning my intelligence, spending ability, and reasoning for being there. I'm not wasting my time driving to various dealers, I'm doing my research to find the best car for me, so you can at least act like you want the business.

2. Walk the line. Don't be too aggressive or too passive. This is a fine line. I want you to be professional and pushy enough but know when to back down and just listen. Don't call me 18 times for an update, or when I don't show up right at the designated time. You're not my mother and I don't owe you an explanation for my final decision. On the flip side, don't not try. If you don't try - I'm going to walk away and find someone who does want to play.

3. Know what you're talking about. Hello, I have Internet - don't tell me facts you pulled out your ass and expect me to believe you. You're trying to sell me your product. I'm going to go home and research everything you just told me and you better believe that I want to know more about your car than you do when I come back.

Funniest thing I've heard so far: "Most people pay full price for this car. There's just not a lot of room to negotiate and I don't know when we'll get more in... they are on a boat from Germany." - Stupid Salesperson.

Me - "That's funny, because your car is made in Mexico." (Simple Google search and the car's place of origin is listed on the window sticker).

So, don't quote facts that you can't back up, it's as simple as that.

4. Don't question my choices. If I'm considering two cars and tell you that, sell me on your car. What's so great about x. Don't tell me the negatives about your competition y. Why? Because I don't believe you. You're trying to sell your car. Instead tell me all the good stuff I may have missed on yours. Besides when you start spouting negatives two things happen in my head: a. I think you're questioning my decision making (bad move) and b. I start to defend your competition to defend my decision. If you make me defend the competition I'm naturally going to like it more.

That's all I have right now. I'm still in the same spot I was five days ago but am slowly coming to realize that maybe there isn't a perfect car. Maybe it's more about finding a car I can live with and hoping I can love it later.

Is it time to make a decision yet?

I’ve come to realize there’s a huge difference between how women buy cars and how men buy cars. (These are all broad generalizations which isn’t to say some men may buy cars like women and vice versa).

How a man buys a car:

1. Decides he needs a new car.

2. Goes online and researches cars he thinks he might be interested in, might read a Consumer’s Report or other similar magazine for reviews.

3. Picks number one car.

4. Figures out what he wants to pay for number one car.

5. Test drives number one car. If number one car meets expectations… buys number one car.

How a woman buys a car:

1. Flip flops between whether she really needs a new car or old car can be salvaged.

2. Looks at cars online. Builds cars on every website to get an idea of features and color options.

3. Reads online reviews and magazines.

4. Asks all her friends for an opinion on any car ever made.

5. Decides maybe she can salvage her old car. Stops researching – overwhelmed by all the options.

6. Decides it would be ok just to look. Test drives every car within a fifty mile radius.

7. Agonizes over which car is “the one”.

8. Builds more cars online.

9. Asks random strangers about their cars.

10. Decides everyone is pressuring her to buy a car. Decides old car is perfectly fine despite various problems that had made her previously decide to sell said car.

11. Test drives and/or builds more cars online. Hopes to find “the one”.

12. Finds emotional connection to new car. Agonizes over how to get best price.

13. Buys new car.

Now obviously that’s all supposed to be funny. But the thing is I do feel like it has some truth to it. My car buying process and my husband’s car buying process is completely different. I think he’s actually sick of me agonizing over the car. He’d probably bought a car five test drives ago. I on the other hand recognize I don’t want to buy for two reasons: 1. If I wait just a bit longer something better that I like more might come along and 2. I’m horrible at making decisions especially when there really is no right or wrong decision. Not to mention the fact a car is a big investment. We’re not talking $50 for a skirt that if I end up hating it I can just get rid of it. I’ll have this car for the next five to seven years at least. There’s no need to be hasty about it.

The other point we differ on is what’s important in a car. My husband wants something with decent pick-up and blabbers about motors and engines and taking whichever color car we can get the cheapest. I want one that’s reliable and safe but Sirius is a must have and the color is pretty important (white cars are horrible, I don’t want some silly color like lime green or baby blue, etc). I’m willing to pay $100 more for a better color.

So far, I’m pretty sure I’ve test drove, considered or looked at most cars in a 30 mile radius from my house. They were all ok and all had pluses and minuses. Remember the part about no right or wrong answer? The whole thing has me anxious and wanting to go back to step 5 (I can repair the minor things wrong with my car and hang on to it another month/year).

Here’s my thoughts so far (I won’t name the car’s names):

Ford – I was leery to look American. Let’s be honest American cars don’t have the best reps and with all the bailout issues, etc. But Ford through all of the bailout mess was in the best shape. And the cars look nice. I looked at an Escort back in 2000 my problem then and my problem with Ford now was the car drove rough. Drive a Honda/Toyota/Mazda/need I go on? and then drive the Ford. There’s a noticeable difference in how the car drives. The interior was nice. The cloth was the same as in the Mazda. I’m not sold either way on cloth or leather, so not a huge deal for me. It's interesting though that the cloth in Ford and Mazda isn’t as plush as the cloth in my 2000. The interior had a lot of buttons that scare me. Make it nice but easy. I don’t want eighteen controls to turn on the radio. Overall – it was just okay.

Mazda – The car drove like a dream. They truly have a niche in the four door drives like a sports car market. The cars are even built to look sportier. The inside compared to some of the others wasn’t as flashy, and some of the plastic fittings just look cheap (I’ve heard this before from other people so I don’t think it’s just me). Plus for the price, other cars come standard with more equipment than the Mazda.

Honda – Toyota and Honda’s have the same rep to me – we build sturdy reliable cars but they’re not the car you get excited about. The one I drove didn’t have Sirius and the only way to get it was to go to the next model. A bit of a deal breaker. Plus it had an electronic dash – sounds fancy but I had a car in late 90’s with electronic dash and it was nothing but trouble. I will say hopefully technology has improved over the last 10 years but still….

Toyota – same thoughts on overall impression. Drive is nice. The car is quiet. But to get all the bells and whistles the price increases pretty dramatically.

VW – I’ve heard a lot of negative as far as if the car breaks and needs serving or parts. But the people that have one love them. The gas version drove ok but the diesel had the responsiveness of the Mazda. Diesel scares me a bit though. It’s not like every gas station carries it and I’ve never owned diesel. The interior and standard features are an upgrade over some of the other cars in the same price range.

The thing is if you ask ten people what car they think you should look at you'll get ten different answers. At this point, I almost want to step back and think about it. No need for hasty decisions. although I will admit that probably part of my hang up on the new car is two things: 1. I had a Passat for a rental and loved it. VW has decided the US doesn't get any more Passats and they're making a new car for 2011 which isn't out. The only Passats I can find are white. Yuck. 2. I don't want to give up my car. It's not limping into the service station quite yet and part of me just isn't ready to let go.

I've asked K if we can check out a few more cars tonight. I'm thinking that he suggested I go alone didn't bode well for that. I just want the right car or one that stands out as the best... and I'm just not there.

What's your car buying experience been? Do you agree that men and women shop differently?

Driving Away

I've had two cars in my life and only one of those was really mine. It's ten years old and I still love it as much as the day I took it home, but I'm getting ready to say good bye.

Let's start at the beginning. My first car was a big white Oldsmobile the size of a small boat or island - just what a high school student wants. The thing is I did want it. That car was the first bit of freedom. Sure it was a bit large, and the electronic dash cut out at the most random times (I did get great at figuring out speed based on vibration), and it leaked antifreeze but I could go where I wanted (as long as my parents knew). I called her Samantha, Sammy for short. I name all my cars. I don't know why but it gives them personality. And Sammy was a no nonsense type of girl.

When I went to college, my sister got Sammy and I got nothing. My dad said Sammy just wasn't reliable for a two hour trip. After about the fifth time they picked me up they decided a car would be a better option. And so we went shopping. Of course my parents were paying but they at least pretended I had a say in what we got. We drove an Escort, an Echo, and finally my little Protege. We (my parents mainly) decided the Protege was the better deal but did say I could choose between a blue one or a green one. I picked green and named her Isabelle, Belle or Izzy for short (long before Twilight launched any similar names into popularity). Isabelle was a bit exotic sounding and a bit more flash.



Izzy - my always reliable Protege



Izzy and I have been through a lot. I was thinking that today as I drove to work. She's seen me through college, she's seen me through moving north, moving south, buying a house, getting married. If she'd been a friend I'd say we're BFF's. And now, I'm the one whose about to not return her phone calls. As exciting as the prospect of a new car is, it's a bit sad to say goodbye.

So, now I'm at the daunting task of picking a new car. It sounds like it would be fun but it's like walking into a lion pit and hoping to come out victorious. It's all about the game. And I don't really want to play. I want the car to be like buying a Michael Kors dress on 75% clearance at Macy's. I want the original price to be $25,000 with tons of options and the final price to be marked clear as day $17,500. Dream world? Yes. But so much easier than you give me a number before I tell you what I want to pay.

So far we spent much of Sunday driving around looking, test driving, talking, looking at cars. My lunch break today was spent scouting Mazda 3's up and down the east coast. I'm nothing if not loyal to Mazda (I've had pretty good luck with Izzy and the problems I have now are minor). And then my night so far, is no dinner, a quick walk for the dog and more research and adding back in a Jetta for consideration. I've wanted a Passat since I had one as a rental. It was nice. The best rental I can think of to-date (beats out the Mustang which was also a cool rental but horrible visibility and a gas guzzler). The Passat is just a bit big and out of my price range so the Jetta is like it's slightly smaller sister. I had kinda ruled them out - all day I was thinking it's a Mazda 3 but the Mazda dealers don't want to play the game or they're playing too well - offering a measly $1,000 off the sticker price and it's not even that loaded (now I sound like a snob).

The thing is if I'm paying a ton of money and planning to keep this car for a few years, I have to think about what's the biggest bang for my buck and let's just say Jetta's come pretty damn loaded. I'm not even that picky - I want a nice color (I don't like white and I'm not crazy about red or black), I want it to be safe and reliable (I don't need it to fold up in a slight fender bender or be in the shop every other month), and I want Sirius satellite radio. The rest - I don't care. Cloth or leather seats - a toss up. Tons of options - maybe but only if I'd use them (sunroof would be nice but not a deal breaker for me but K is pushing for it). So we'll see... what do you guys think? What car should I buy? Is there something I should consider but haven't?

On the what I've considered note - we've looked at Honda's (K wasn't impressed), Toyota's (they were ok but I wasn't excited about it - do people get excited about Camry's? They're nice cars but they're just a reliable Joe), we've talked about Nissan's (I've had hit or miss with their rentals), I ruled out pretty much all American cars because of the whole bail out nonsense (sorry but I want a dealer that's going to be around tomorrow and let's face it there just aren't that many cool American cars out there for the price and the Ford's I like (Taurus) are too expensive).

Deal Breakers

It's been awhile since I've had to think about deal breakers and let's be completely honest when I started dating my husband in college there wasn't a lot on my list. My nice to have lists were probably pretty shallow and revolved around someone who could afford to take me to dinner since my allowance wasn't covering it. My deal breakers did include no jerks, no kids (not that hard when you're 18), but I'm sure it also included things like can't be insanely overweight or stupid.

Talking to a friend today, the subject came up as a joke. She said something to the effect that I was lucky that K didn't have any ex-wives that I had to deal with. I replied, that's pretty easy to do considering we met when I was 18. An ex would have been a major deal breaker at that age.

Now, even though I don't need to worry about it my list would read something like this. Deal breakers: ex-wives, children (I'm just not ready to take on my own child much less someone else's), lack of a job, stupid (conversation is important), eats junk constantly (a little junk food is ok but if you constantly have a pizza in one hand a donut in the other - hit the gym then call me), is a jerk (this is why when I actually watched The Bachelorette I fell for Ryan - the nice guys can finish first)... Must love dogs (I'm just not a cat person), must be funny and not take themselves to seriously, must care about others but not be a pushover, be smart about money, makes good decisions... I could probably keep going.

Sure, deal breakers can seem like this shallow list of traits that men/women meet and you can check off. But I think it can be a good thing. How can you really commit to someone without a clear list of what you want and don't want? It drives me crazy to hear stories about people getting divorced over religion or kids - didn't you talk about that before you got married? Did you think he would change his mind about wanting eight children when you want zero? Or did you think he'd suddenly convert for you? I'm a firm believer that people only change so much. So you need to go into a relationship knowing what you'll put up with (the occasionally dirty laundry on the floor) and what you won't (five baby mamas).

Maybe we need deal breakers and must haves in other areas of our lives. My ideal job has flexible hours, the option to work from home, is creative... My ideal friend compliments my personality (as in we go together not she's dishing compliments left and right), is intelligent, someone that other people want to be around, is a good person... My ideal place to live is close to my parents and my in-laws, is on the beach, is warm... All that does is clarify what you're looking for, things you can settle on and the non-negotiable.

This all being said if your must have list is must be a Victoria Secret's model, a doctor, drive a Porsche, have multiple vacation homes... you know all the shallow stuff that at the end of the day isn't important - than I suggest you examine your own priorities before you make any sort of commitment to others.

So what do you think? Do you have deal breakers and must haves?

Are you having a thrisis?

I've been wanting to write this post for awhile. It's one of those ideas that keeps coming back to me but I don't know how to start it. So I'll start from the beginning.

A few weeks ago on the way home Cocktails with Patrick had a guest on who had just wrote a book about "thrisis" (I hope I'm spelling that write). Basically a mid-life crisis in your thirties. Before that I had heard a lot of talk about a quarter life crisis (a mid-life crisis in your twenties). Sure the author had good points. That it's hard to meet people. That all your friends are at different stages. You have huge life decisions to make - babies, jobs, etc. And granted, I haven't read her book or any book on a quarter life crisis, but the more I've thought about it - I want to know is it real? Or are these some made up crises that just explain how people feel at various points throughout their lives?

When I first set out to talk about this topic - I thought I'd agree with the lady on the radio a 100%. Who doesn't have doubts about their career? Where they see themselves in 10 years? I listened to her talk and thought - I've felt like that - shit, maybe I'm having a thrisis early or a quarter life crisis late...

But then as the weeks slipped by, I started to think. Maybe it's not something new. Maybe it's just something that happens pretty regularly and now someone has thought to slap a fancy new name on it to sell a bunch of books.

Think back to any major turning point in your life - going to high school, starting college, graduating college, having kids (well I don't have kids yet but I'm sure it's a big event)... all that stuff is bound to cause other feelings to come up. Things like - am I making the right decision, am I going to meet new people, what about my old friends, what about my relationship with my boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife? Your life is changing for better or worse, of course you'll have doubts.

I remember going to college. I was so excited. I couldn't wait to go. Then I got there and suddenly it was this big scary new world. I remember thinking that this wasn't really what I wanted. It wasn't comfortable. I didn't know anyone. I didn't know what I wanted to do. Was it a crisis? I'm not sure. I don't think so. I think it was just a time for me to examine what I wanted out of life, put on my big girl panties and make some decisions.

So do I believe in all these so-called crises? The more I think about it - no. It's just two things - 1 a way to describe how you feel about any big change or lack of change maybe in your life. Those thoughts that float around saying - I thought I'd have three kids by thirty, I thought I'd be a boss at thirty, I thought I'd have a x by forty, etc. Everyone has doubts and concerns about how their life is going. It's normal. 2. It's a way to justify your behavior. I bought a sports car because that's what a person having a mid-life crisis does. Man up to your behavior. If you do something irresponsible, reckless or impulsive - you did it because deep down you wanted to and now you're looking for someway to blame it elsewhere.

What do you think? Is a thrisis real?

Random Musing - Selling Yourself

My dad was telling me a story the other day about when he first moved to the county where he grew up. I guess he went to his mom and said something about being scared that he couldn't make new friends. And he said his mom told him, he had to go out there and sell himself and make people want to be his friend.

Now, I never met his mom, she died before I was born. But I think that statement is pretty telling. It shows something about a person. And the thing is the statement is true.

You can mope around all you want about how your life is miserable and no one likes you. It won't change a damn thing. And you know what - no one will like you because you can't sell yourself. Who wants to hang out with the kid who looks like someone kicked him? No one.

People want to hang out with people that make them feel good. That push them to be better people. Someone they connect with and can share things with. People that are out there doing cool things. That's what that statement means.

I've taken it to heart recently and decided to put myself out there more. So what if someone says no. It doesn't matter. The only way you'll ever know something is if you try. That statement really made me think hard about myself. Do I sell myself? Am I someone I'd want to be friends with? My first agenda item is just signing up for that darn spin class at gym that scares the pants off me and just trying it. So what if I'm the girl in the back dying as she barely clings to a bike. At least I did it. If I can conquer spin class - I can probably conquer the world. (Or at the very least I read you can burn upwards of 600 calories an hour - size 0 jeans here I come).... All kidding aside, spin is good for a few reasons - I'll see new people, I'll be exercising (who doesn't love some good ass-kicking cardio???), and I'm doing something new. And trying something new gets you outside your box. Gives you something interesting to talk about. So we'll see how it goes.

The thing is - you can't come across a desperate loser in search of a new BFF. But it's ok to ask someone to coffee. Or tell someone how fabulous you are (within reason - no five hour convo about how great you look when you wake up). Or join a new group. The more you push yourself the easier it will be. Let go of all that negativeness.

What's the best piece of advice you've ever heard?

Where Do You Fall?

I've come to realize something as you get older you unwittingly fall into groups. Admittedly there are subgroups within any group. But I think there are a few main groups: Single And Loving It (SALI), Just Dating (JD), Married No Kids (MNK), and Married With Kids (MWK). The problem is a MNK is a bit trapped in the middle of all these groups with no real place to call home.

Let's explain:

You aren't a SALI - sure going out to bars and staying up until all hours of the night talking about bad dates and fashion can be fun but you have a ring wrapped firmly around your finger which clearly states for all the singles you moved past a bad date. To them you can't relate. You're the married friend they call occasionally for a Girl/Guy Night Out or when they want to go to a movie, or when they want to test drive a new boyfriend with a couple's date. You cannot be their go-to guy or gal pal because you simply do not have the time or energy to commit to them.

The JDs might have been dating two weeks, two months or two years. They fall happily into coupledom and can flirt back and forth between the SALIs and the MNK pretty easily. They are one bad fight away from being a SALI and one romantic night away from being a MNK. They can relate to either group. The thing with JDs - they aren't reliable to either group. They still remember their SALI days and want to live it up but they also like cuddling on the sofa and meeting other couples for wine. They are just as stuck as MNKs because they haven't fully committed to each other or a group. They're so wrapped up in their new special someone they don't have the energy to reach out to anyone but solid BFFs. Acquaintances, groups and miscellaneous extras fall by the roadside as they are swept up in that new love glow.

And the MWKs. Those little bundles of joy came complete with their own network of friends. They bond over play dates and messy diapers. The other three groups simply can't relate to every aspect of parenthood because no matter how much you want to claim that dog, cat or fish is just like a baby - it simply isn't. The MWKs don't need the other three groups of friends as much. This ready made group they hopped into with baby in tow is usually enough. Just as SALIs, JDs, and MNKs can't relate to them - those endless nights of gossip fest, shopping sprees and barhopping are nothing but a distant memory. Sure, they can scrounge up enough money for a babysitter occasionally but most parents won't ditch their kid with a pimply-faced 15 year old and party like a rock star or take weekend trips every time the girls/guys call excitedly with new plans. Nights out without kids are treats and most likely are saved for that special once a month date night.

And the MNKs. I'll be just as honest even if I am in this group myself. We're trapped. As I said we're not a SALI, JD or MWK. We're simply married. We may have ventured into test parenthood with puppies and kittens but we're not fully committed to giving up our independence for a screaming baby. As I like to say puppies can be locked in kitchens when I go out... with babies someone would call social services. We can relate to the MWKs but sometimes it feels like too much work. Not that we don't love children but you inevitably will get the when are you going to have a little bundle of joy question because if there is one thing about MWKs they want the rest of the world to quickly follow suit and join them. And as I mentioned with the SALIs... we may want to think we're still young and hip enough to hang with the best of them but at some point you can't relate to bad date number 48 or that crazy night that was just like college. Besides SALIs are the most independent. They can get up and go and as much as a MNK, JD or MWK might not want to admit it - we simply can't. We're one half of a partnership. You owe something to that person to come home occasionally and have dinner and watch Netflix. And as boring as that sounds - there is also something to say about saving money (no more huge bar tabs and expensive dinner outs) and consistency (that story about your no good really awful bad day has a listener).

The thing is being an MNK and wanting to meet some new friends - I think it's one of the hardest groups to meet people. The JDs are just single enough to still cling to their SALI friends. SALIs seem to have an endless round of BFFs that filter in and out of their lives like a casting call. They can easily commit to this group or that and its easier to meet people without someone else in tow. And MWK can use those little tots as instant glue to friendship (play dates and mommy's morning out anyone). MNKs have to search each other out and then you have to hope that your significant other likes your potential friends significant other. Do you know how hard it is to maintain a friendship when your husband simply does not want to spend time with said friends husband/fiance/boyfriend? You end up fighting a losing battle. Said boys have little or nothing in common, while the girls cling desperately to the hope they can bond over baseball or Dexter or something equally as ridiculous. The same is true for the guys though - they may hope you bond with their friends new gal pal but there is only so much chatting about reality TV and Loft that even I can take. If you can't find some common ground hobby gal pal will never move pass acquaintance you put up with for the husband.

I'll continue this thread another day but these are my initial thoughts. What do you think? Do you agree? Would you add a group or add something to my descriptions of the groups?

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do...

It sounds bad to say this but I've had a few BFF in my life. And the worse part - those BFF's... well at various points things have gone there separate ways. Granted not all of it was a bad break with I hate yous and name calling (but there were a few). A lot of it just happened because of time or growing up or people changing or a combination of all three.

Take my best friend from high school - A - for instance. A and I were pretty inseparable, she lived right behind me, we rode the same bus, went to the same school... you get the drift. But then I graduated and went to college and she was two years behind. It just happened. I stopped coming home as much. She couldn't relate to college and I couldn't relate to high school. It wasn't a bad break - we just slowly stopped talking.

On the other hand, there was KC. We were BFF from kindergarten. She also lived in my neighborhood. Also rode my bus. She and I were always over each others houses. I had the big playroom and she would tell me secrets about boys (she had two older brothers). In middle school, KC met a new group of friends. If you've ever seen the movie Mean Girls - that pretty much sums up that group. KC and I also hung out with a third girl. The Mean Girls basically said and KC backed them up - we could only hang out if we ditched the third girl. That didn't seem very nice and I told her so... You can imagine how that went.

And most recently, there was CC. CC and I were college roommates. I think from the moment we met there was a bond. People in college joked if you found one of us, you'd find the other. Let's just say we had a falling out and I apologized for my part in it but when I asked for an apology from her... I haven't heard back.

The thing is, CC's break-up is the freshest. And it sounds strange to say because I was so angry a few months ago (and there are a lot of times when I don't see eye to eye on all of CC's actions) but I miss her. It's a lot like breaking up with a BF. You're with each other 90% of the time and then all of a sudden - you aren't. You always go through this period of - we may get back together - should I call him - he's a jerk... And it's the same with friends. This part of my heart is a bit battered, lonely and missing that other person that knows you so well you can just glance at each other and say volumes. I've debated reaching out to her but I know some other friends and the husband would probably think I'm crazy. And the truth is she hasn't reached out to me since I apologized.... so maybe she doesn't want to be friends. But maybe she's sitting at home missing me too and we're just too stubborn to admit it.

The thing with break-ups is - at some point you have to decide to either let them go or dive back in. With and A and KC, I never dove back in. With A, we've traded a few emails sporadically and the occasional FB (aka Facebook) reach out but that's been it. We live in different states so it might as well be college and high school all over again. And KC, I don't know whatever happened to her. I haven't even gotten that random FB friend request. But CC, it hasn't been that long that I couldn't reach out and say hi and at least be friendly if not friends. But just like a break-up, you have to try to remember why you broke up to begin with. Was their crime so heinous you can't be friends. Or was it a minor offense? At this point... I'm not sure.

Tossing the dice

I bought lottery tickets today. That's unusual because a I buy a lottery ticket maybe twice a year. And b I feel like playing the lottery is like taking a bucket of cash and tossing it in the ocean. You may get some back but chances are you won't get all of it back and there's an even slimmer chance you'll get a bunch of money back that wasn't yours to begin with. It's my saving gene kicking in - screaming do you know you could buy Starbucks with that three dollars or better yet save it and make five dollars?

The thing is I dream about winning the lottery quite a bit. Do you? I have whole scenario in my head. Me quitting my job. Me keeping my job. Me volunteering instead of working. Buying homes. Paying off my home. Going on trips. Buying another dog. But the heart of my dream is pretty realistic. Even if I won the mega millions. The craziest my dream lottery spending got was paying off my home, getting a tricked out Mazda and buying a second home closer to my husband's parents. Wow... big spender. No crazy designer shopping sprees. No lavish vacation homes in secluded islands. And even worse, my dreams are usually filled with the negatives of winning the lottery. The family and friends hitting you up for cash. How to handle that? Do you give them money? Do you tell them no get their own winning ticket? Could I not work and comfortably live out the rest of my life on a few million? Or better yet, how do I put it in enough banks and credit unions so all of  millions are properly insured by the NCUA or FDIC? I wonder how many other lottery winners think like that? But that's the practical side of me kicking in. The part of me that can quickly and easily silence the fashionista side that drools over designer shoes with a quick - you could buy a car with that (and besides you can get a decent knock-off version for a quarter the cost).

Yet, tonight I'm tossing the dice and crossing my fingers that I at least make back my three dollars. The funny thing is, yeah it would be nice to win it all but I truly believe money doesn't buy happiness. And honestly, I'd be happy with enough to pay off my house, buy a new car and put some money in savings. Nothing crazy. But let's just say I wouldn't complain if I won the whole thing either.

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice...

So who am I? I think that changes pretty frequently. Sure I have set likes and dislikes but I'll fully admit I'm not the same person I was at 15 or 21 or 25... I hope part of me has grown up a bit since then. I'm more secure with myself than I was at 15. I listen to girls on the radio bitch about their thighs, or their noses, or their body fat and I think I'd like to be a bit thinner or a bit more toned but I'm not as insecure with myself as they sound. I'm happy with who I am and if that's a bad thing so be it. I'm more mature than I was at 21. I know life is more than just the next party. I know its more important to stand up for what I believe then to go along quietly to make others happy. And since 25, I've learned not to be so naive. Your best friend can stab you in the back. You can work hard at your job and not get promoted. And the world doesn't always come out smelling like roses.

I like fashion. But I don't like spending money. I'm secretly obsessed with reality TV. I like to read and write and if that's dorky - I don't really care. But I also like the history channel. I've lived up north and down south but haven't really found where I want to call home. I have trouble making decisions. I'm indecisive at times. I like to try new things. I can be out-going but I can also be shy. I like to talk. I like to meet people. I'm a glass is half full kind of gal.

I don't like snakes. I don't like bossy people or know-it-alls. I don't believe in being pessimistic. If you think positive - good things are bound to happen eventually. I don't like being told what to do. I don't know what I want out of life. I hate math. I don't like having a budget set in stone - things should be flexible. Life is full of grey areas.

I'm married. I have a dog. I have a house. I like to be at home but I also like to travel and be with my friends. I get sad when all my friends go home - I think sometimes I'd be happiest living in a college dorm.

What I'm not - I'm not a socialite. I'm not rich. I'm not stick thin. I might love magazines but I've never been in one. I'm not that girl on TV.

So that's me. Of course, that could all change tomorrow. But that's the point isn't it - this is a journey. So, what are you like?

What is a real girl?

Do you ever watch TV and think: "These people have a great life. How come I don't know anyone that lives like that?" I do - all the time. Let's face it, even reality TV isn't exactly real life. We're bombarded with images of who we're supposed to be and what we're supposed to want. The problem is most of what we're shown isn't even realistic.

If we're to believe what the media promotes...  A real girl is a size 2 but thinks she's fat. She's  drop-dead gorgeous but has problems in relationship and with her self-image. She has a killer closet. A nice place. Friends that fall out of the woodworks. And a job to die for - but one she doesn't really have to go to that often. Enough money for expensive trips, designer clothes and frequent nights out. Oh, and let's not forget she most likely lives in a pretty amazing city too.

I've started to get more and more frustrated with this vision of an American girl. The problem is she isn't real. Let's take The Hills for instant. A friend of mine got me hooked and LC quickly sunk her teeth in for the kill. She was just pretty enough to not be threatening. She had problems. She liked the wrong guys. But the show was never real or even if it started real it became a series of fake problems and even faker friendships. LC was supposed to be the every girl. The twenty-something just starting out and trying to make it. The problem was LC is rich. Let's face it she makes more money in an episode than I make in a year. Her parents were rich. She wasn't exactly strapped for cash living on her parents couch while working a mediocre job. She had a great house, killer clothes and a BMW. How many 22 year olds do you know driving around in a new convertible? It was frustrating because it wasn't real enough. I wanted to see LC looking for a job, trying to figure out how to pay the mortgage, shopping the clearance racks...

To be fair it's not just TV - they are just the easiest to blame. With magazines a close second. I'm a communications major. I know the spin. Media is an escape. No one wants to see real life because that's depressing. But maybe some reality would be good.

That's where my blog comes in. I'm not some starlet in Hollywood, a social climbing New Yorker, a spoiled Southern belle, or a farmer in the mid-west (did I catch all the stereotypes?). I'm a normal twenty-something girl. I'm the good and the bad and everything in between. And I have real struggles that might not be MTV-worthy but can be pretty interesting on their own. So my hope here is to show a bit of what it's like to grow up or maybe just get older amid all of this. To prove to myself that even a real girl can be interesting. But if you hear of LC having a yardsale - let me know. I couldn't pass up on the chance to raid her closet.

I hope you enjoy and I want to hear from you! Comment along - what's your life like as a real girl just trying to get by.