My dad was telling me a story the other day about when he first moved to the county where he grew up. I guess he went to his mom and said something about being scared that he couldn't make new friends. And he said his mom told him, he had to go out there and sell himself and make people want to be his friend.
Now, I never met his mom, she died before I was born. But I think that statement is pretty telling. It shows something about a person. And the thing is the statement is true.
You can mope around all you want about how your life is miserable and no one likes you. It won't change a damn thing. And you know what - no one will like you because you can't sell yourself. Who wants to hang out with the kid who looks like someone kicked him? No one.
People want to hang out with people that make them feel good. That push them to be better people. Someone they connect with and can share things with. People that are out there doing cool things. That's what that statement means.
I've taken it to heart recently and decided to put myself out there more. So what if someone says no. It doesn't matter. The only way you'll ever know something is if you try. That statement really made me think hard about myself. Do I sell myself? Am I someone I'd want to be friends with? My first agenda item is just signing up for that darn spin class at gym that scares the pants off me and just trying it. So what if I'm the girl in the back dying as she barely clings to a bike. At least I did it. If I can conquer spin class - I can probably conquer the world. (Or at the very least I read you can burn upwards of 600 calories an hour - size 0 jeans here I come).... All kidding aside, spin is good for a few reasons - I'll see new people, I'll be exercising (who doesn't love some good ass-kicking cardio???), and I'm doing something new. And trying something new gets you outside your box. Gives you something interesting to talk about. So we'll see how it goes.
The thing is - you can't come across a desperate loser in search of a new BFF. But it's ok to ask someone to coffee. Or tell someone how fabulous you are (within reason - no five hour convo about how great you look when you wake up). Or join a new group. The more you push yourself the easier it will be. Let go of all that negativeness.
What's the best piece of advice you've ever heard?
You'll love spin, I totally became addicted to it, but sometimes it's really hard to get there. The only thing is though, I am just now making friends at the gym, and I've been going to the same class for four years. It takes awhile. It's like you can't even act like you recognize someone until 6 months, then another 6 months of awkward hi, then 6 months where that progresses into "how's it going" then 6 months of real conversation, then you become friends. Haha, was that a downer to you? But I think those meetups you were telling me about sound perfect, those won't be a 2 year process! :) Tanya does all sorts of those groups and she's met a ton of new people and friends.
ReplyDeleteI asked this girl I was talking to at a conference to go w/me but she didn't seem interested and I really want to go with someone so at least someone knows I died... jk. I think that moral support and that push to make me go is the real reason. I totally agree about the gym friends. It was like that in my yoga class in NJ. And then the guy that started to be my friend ended up to be a complete wack-job... so that went well.
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