So I started a new post a few weeks ago about another topic but figured since I had a stroke of brilliance today - I'd post this one first then tweak my original post later... we'll see - I haven't been the best at writing - I think life gets in the way... or maybe I don't have as many secrets as I thought - or things I want to share.
We just booked a vacation a few weeks ago. We haven't been on a "real" vacation in two years. I don't consider going to see family or staying a night here or there for obligations (like weddings) to be a vacation. That's a whole other post though... but since we're not millionaires these trips have to hold us over until we can save to go somewhere big. The thing is I put the trip on my credit card and our joint checking is in name only so I'm left harassing my husband for his portion of the trip. And no one likes to be the debt collector (we've both been there and it usually leads to arguments about someone not paying up fast enough).
I love K to death but I could never have a real joint account with him. First I don't even understand how he balances his checkbook - it looks like random gibberish to me. And second while we agree about not incurring loads of debt and trying to save where we can that's where our money habit similarities end.
Side note: for those about to be married or want to get married sometime followers, sit down and talk about money before you tie the knot. Unsexy yes, but you need to know how much debt someone has, how they save, how they spend, their credit score, etc. Spend a few minutes hashing it out and then Google different pluses and minuses to all the ways you can manage your accounts as a team. It will save you so much headache in the future and is totally worth it. That being said, don't even ask people for advice on what to do they'll just bitch when you don't go along with what they want... and honestly you have to do what works for the two of you - whether that means shared debit cards or splitting bills. If it isn't broke don't ask your friends or family to try to fix it.
Back to the point... This is how K sees money (in my opinion and since he doesn't read this then it will have to do): I make x, I want to save y. I will spend my money on the baseball package, yard supplies, going to dinner or buying take-out, beer and stocks. I get upset if my checking account drops below n and I refuse to spend anymore money until I'm paid next. I don't like spending money on clothes and think that twice yearly trips to the mall will tide me over until my birthday and Christmas. My budget isn't written out but is more set in stone than my wife's. I will stress and yell if I can't save y in one month and complain insistently at my wife about over-spending and cutting back.
Here's how I see money (I'll try to be honest). I make x and I save y but my budget is a willy nilly item that floats in my head and I'll know it when I see it. I can spend more this month if I cut back next month. And at the end of the day if I have z in savings I'm ok. I spend money on going out, activities, clothes, shoes, Sirius, clothes (wait did I say that twice). I get frustrated with talks about budgets and spending too much and value mental health at times over saving for savings sake. However, if my checking account drops below n I will have a mild heart attack and stress for days on how I can get rich quick before I get paid or see a pair of shoes I can't live without and any money thoughts float away until the next minor stress attack. I will complain to my husband about being a stick in the mud and saving money for when we're old but not having fun now.
I did pretty good if I do say so myself. This puts us in a bad spot at times. I don't want to spend my hard-earned money on pizza when I could not eat take-out for two days and get a new top. And if I have to pay my credit card - I don't care if you don't get paid for two more weeks - I want the money. I want to spend money on a vacation that we'll remember not trudging to the beach for a day. We don't speak the same language and we didn't buy the Rosetta Stone to learn.
I will say we usually compromise. I'll shell out for take-out every now and then to keep him happy. He agrees to vacations and doesn't raise an eyebrow when I mention I need a massage for mental health. I hide new clothes in the closet to strategically time them coming out, he buys things like mulch and lime without telling me and keeps them in his car for weeks while complaining he gets bad gas mileage (maybe that extra 100lbs you're lugging has something to do with it). Beginning this article - I'll admit I didn't know where it would go - I wanted to vent about how we've been harassing each other for spending but in the end I think I've had an awakening... Maybe keeping a few money secrets is healthy (within reason don't go buy a car and expect your spouse not to find out). It's like peeing with the door closed - there are some things better left unexposed. I don't want to check in every time I buy clothes and he doesn't want to call from Home Depot to see if it's ok to buy random plants. And honestly the big things we have compromised on - we don't go on vacation every year, I don't covet huge designer purses and he isn't buying small forests. Maybe it all goes back to my side bar of making it work for you... Oh and K if you're reading this I'm totally setting you up on a payment plan for this vacation.
