Where Do You Fall?

I've come to realize something as you get older you unwittingly fall into groups. Admittedly there are subgroups within any group. But I think there are a few main groups: Single And Loving It (SALI), Just Dating (JD), Married No Kids (MNK), and Married With Kids (MWK). The problem is a MNK is a bit trapped in the middle of all these groups with no real place to call home.

Let's explain:

You aren't a SALI - sure going out to bars and staying up until all hours of the night talking about bad dates and fashion can be fun but you have a ring wrapped firmly around your finger which clearly states for all the singles you moved past a bad date. To them you can't relate. You're the married friend they call occasionally for a Girl/Guy Night Out or when they want to go to a movie, or when they want to test drive a new boyfriend with a couple's date. You cannot be their go-to guy or gal pal because you simply do not have the time or energy to commit to them.

The JDs might have been dating two weeks, two months or two years. They fall happily into coupledom and can flirt back and forth between the SALIs and the MNK pretty easily. They are one bad fight away from being a SALI and one romantic night away from being a MNK. They can relate to either group. The thing with JDs - they aren't reliable to either group. They still remember their SALI days and want to live it up but they also like cuddling on the sofa and meeting other couples for wine. They are just as stuck as MNKs because they haven't fully committed to each other or a group. They're so wrapped up in their new special someone they don't have the energy to reach out to anyone but solid BFFs. Acquaintances, groups and miscellaneous extras fall by the roadside as they are swept up in that new love glow.

And the MWKs. Those little bundles of joy came complete with their own network of friends. They bond over play dates and messy diapers. The other three groups simply can't relate to every aspect of parenthood because no matter how much you want to claim that dog, cat or fish is just like a baby - it simply isn't. The MWKs don't need the other three groups of friends as much. This ready made group they hopped into with baby in tow is usually enough. Just as SALIs, JDs, and MNKs can't relate to them - those endless nights of gossip fest, shopping sprees and barhopping are nothing but a distant memory. Sure, they can scrounge up enough money for a babysitter occasionally but most parents won't ditch their kid with a pimply-faced 15 year old and party like a rock star or take weekend trips every time the girls/guys call excitedly with new plans. Nights out without kids are treats and most likely are saved for that special once a month date night.

And the MNKs. I'll be just as honest even if I am in this group myself. We're trapped. As I said we're not a SALI, JD or MWK. We're simply married. We may have ventured into test parenthood with puppies and kittens but we're not fully committed to giving up our independence for a screaming baby. As I like to say puppies can be locked in kitchens when I go out... with babies someone would call social services. We can relate to the MWKs but sometimes it feels like too much work. Not that we don't love children but you inevitably will get the when are you going to have a little bundle of joy question because if there is one thing about MWKs they want the rest of the world to quickly follow suit and join them. And as I mentioned with the SALIs... we may want to think we're still young and hip enough to hang with the best of them but at some point you can't relate to bad date number 48 or that crazy night that was just like college. Besides SALIs are the most independent. They can get up and go and as much as a MNK, JD or MWK might not want to admit it - we simply can't. We're one half of a partnership. You owe something to that person to come home occasionally and have dinner and watch Netflix. And as boring as that sounds - there is also something to say about saving money (no more huge bar tabs and expensive dinner outs) and consistency (that story about your no good really awful bad day has a listener).

The thing is being an MNK and wanting to meet some new friends - I think it's one of the hardest groups to meet people. The JDs are just single enough to still cling to their SALI friends. SALIs seem to have an endless round of BFFs that filter in and out of their lives like a casting call. They can easily commit to this group or that and its easier to meet people without someone else in tow. And MWK can use those little tots as instant glue to friendship (play dates and mommy's morning out anyone). MNKs have to search each other out and then you have to hope that your significant other likes your potential friends significant other. Do you know how hard it is to maintain a friendship when your husband simply does not want to spend time with said friends husband/fiance/boyfriend? You end up fighting a losing battle. Said boys have little or nothing in common, while the girls cling desperately to the hope they can bond over baseball or Dexter or something equally as ridiculous. The same is true for the guys though - they may hope you bond with their friends new gal pal but there is only so much chatting about reality TV and Loft that even I can take. If you can't find some common ground hobby gal pal will never move pass acquaintance you put up with for the husband.

I'll continue this thread another day but these are my initial thoughts. What do you think? Do you agree? Would you add a group or add something to my descriptions of the groups?