Deal Breakers

It's been awhile since I've had to think about deal breakers and let's be completely honest when I started dating my husband in college there wasn't a lot on my list. My nice to have lists were probably pretty shallow and revolved around someone who could afford to take me to dinner since my allowance wasn't covering it. My deal breakers did include no jerks, no kids (not that hard when you're 18), but I'm sure it also included things like can't be insanely overweight or stupid.

Talking to a friend today, the subject came up as a joke. She said something to the effect that I was lucky that K didn't have any ex-wives that I had to deal with. I replied, that's pretty easy to do considering we met when I was 18. An ex would have been a major deal breaker at that age.

Now, even though I don't need to worry about it my list would read something like this. Deal breakers: ex-wives, children (I'm just not ready to take on my own child much less someone else's), lack of a job, stupid (conversation is important), eats junk constantly (a little junk food is ok but if you constantly have a pizza in one hand a donut in the other - hit the gym then call me), is a jerk (this is why when I actually watched The Bachelorette I fell for Ryan - the nice guys can finish first)... Must love dogs (I'm just not a cat person), must be funny and not take themselves to seriously, must care about others but not be a pushover, be smart about money, makes good decisions... I could probably keep going.

Sure, deal breakers can seem like this shallow list of traits that men/women meet and you can check off. But I think it can be a good thing. How can you really commit to someone without a clear list of what you want and don't want? It drives me crazy to hear stories about people getting divorced over religion or kids - didn't you talk about that before you got married? Did you think he would change his mind about wanting eight children when you want zero? Or did you think he'd suddenly convert for you? I'm a firm believer that people only change so much. So you need to go into a relationship knowing what you'll put up with (the occasionally dirty laundry on the floor) and what you won't (five baby mamas).

Maybe we need deal breakers and must haves in other areas of our lives. My ideal job has flexible hours, the option to work from home, is creative... My ideal friend compliments my personality (as in we go together not she's dishing compliments left and right), is intelligent, someone that other people want to be around, is a good person... My ideal place to live is close to my parents and my in-laws, is on the beach, is warm... All that does is clarify what you're looking for, things you can settle on and the non-negotiable.

This all being said if your must have list is must be a Victoria Secret's model, a doctor, drive a Porsche, have multiple vacation homes... you know all the shallow stuff that at the end of the day isn't important - than I suggest you examine your own priorities before you make any sort of commitment to others.

So what do you think? Do you have deal breakers and must haves?