Tossing the dice

I bought lottery tickets today. That's unusual because a I buy a lottery ticket maybe twice a year. And b I feel like playing the lottery is like taking a bucket of cash and tossing it in the ocean. You may get some back but chances are you won't get all of it back and there's an even slimmer chance you'll get a bunch of money back that wasn't yours to begin with. It's my saving gene kicking in - screaming do you know you could buy Starbucks with that three dollars or better yet save it and make five dollars?

The thing is I dream about winning the lottery quite a bit. Do you? I have whole scenario in my head. Me quitting my job. Me keeping my job. Me volunteering instead of working. Buying homes. Paying off my home. Going on trips. Buying another dog. But the heart of my dream is pretty realistic. Even if I won the mega millions. The craziest my dream lottery spending got was paying off my home, getting a tricked out Mazda and buying a second home closer to my husband's parents. Wow... big spender. No crazy designer shopping sprees. No lavish vacation homes in secluded islands. And even worse, my dreams are usually filled with the negatives of winning the lottery. The family and friends hitting you up for cash. How to handle that? Do you give them money? Do you tell them no get their own winning ticket? Could I not work and comfortably live out the rest of my life on a few million? Or better yet, how do I put it in enough banks and credit unions so all of  millions are properly insured by the NCUA or FDIC? I wonder how many other lottery winners think like that? But that's the practical side of me kicking in. The part of me that can quickly and easily silence the fashionista side that drools over designer shoes with a quick - you could buy a car with that (and besides you can get a decent knock-off version for a quarter the cost).

Yet, tonight I'm tossing the dice and crossing my fingers that I at least make back my three dollars. The funny thing is, yeah it would be nice to win it all but I truly believe money doesn't buy happiness. And honestly, I'd be happy with enough to pay off my house, buy a new car and put some money in savings. Nothing crazy. But let's just say I wouldn't complain if I won the whole thing either.

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice...

So who am I? I think that changes pretty frequently. Sure I have set likes and dislikes but I'll fully admit I'm not the same person I was at 15 or 21 or 25... I hope part of me has grown up a bit since then. I'm more secure with myself than I was at 15. I listen to girls on the radio bitch about their thighs, or their noses, or their body fat and I think I'd like to be a bit thinner or a bit more toned but I'm not as insecure with myself as they sound. I'm happy with who I am and if that's a bad thing so be it. I'm more mature than I was at 21. I know life is more than just the next party. I know its more important to stand up for what I believe then to go along quietly to make others happy. And since 25, I've learned not to be so naive. Your best friend can stab you in the back. You can work hard at your job and not get promoted. And the world doesn't always come out smelling like roses.

I like fashion. But I don't like spending money. I'm secretly obsessed with reality TV. I like to read and write and if that's dorky - I don't really care. But I also like the history channel. I've lived up north and down south but haven't really found where I want to call home. I have trouble making decisions. I'm indecisive at times. I like to try new things. I can be out-going but I can also be shy. I like to talk. I like to meet people. I'm a glass is half full kind of gal.

I don't like snakes. I don't like bossy people or know-it-alls. I don't believe in being pessimistic. If you think positive - good things are bound to happen eventually. I don't like being told what to do. I don't know what I want out of life. I hate math. I don't like having a budget set in stone - things should be flexible. Life is full of grey areas.

I'm married. I have a dog. I have a house. I like to be at home but I also like to travel and be with my friends. I get sad when all my friends go home - I think sometimes I'd be happiest living in a college dorm.

What I'm not - I'm not a socialite. I'm not rich. I'm not stick thin. I might love magazines but I've never been in one. I'm not that girl on TV.

So that's me. Of course, that could all change tomorrow. But that's the point isn't it - this is a journey. So, what are you like?

What is a real girl?

Do you ever watch TV and think: "These people have a great life. How come I don't know anyone that lives like that?" I do - all the time. Let's face it, even reality TV isn't exactly real life. We're bombarded with images of who we're supposed to be and what we're supposed to want. The problem is most of what we're shown isn't even realistic.

If we're to believe what the media promotes...  A real girl is a size 2 but thinks she's fat. She's  drop-dead gorgeous but has problems in relationship and with her self-image. She has a killer closet. A nice place. Friends that fall out of the woodworks. And a job to die for - but one she doesn't really have to go to that often. Enough money for expensive trips, designer clothes and frequent nights out. Oh, and let's not forget she most likely lives in a pretty amazing city too.

I've started to get more and more frustrated with this vision of an American girl. The problem is she isn't real. Let's take The Hills for instant. A friend of mine got me hooked and LC quickly sunk her teeth in for the kill. She was just pretty enough to not be threatening. She had problems. She liked the wrong guys. But the show was never real or even if it started real it became a series of fake problems and even faker friendships. LC was supposed to be the every girl. The twenty-something just starting out and trying to make it. The problem was LC is rich. Let's face it she makes more money in an episode than I make in a year. Her parents were rich. She wasn't exactly strapped for cash living on her parents couch while working a mediocre job. She had a great house, killer clothes and a BMW. How many 22 year olds do you know driving around in a new convertible? It was frustrating because it wasn't real enough. I wanted to see LC looking for a job, trying to figure out how to pay the mortgage, shopping the clearance racks...

To be fair it's not just TV - they are just the easiest to blame. With magazines a close second. I'm a communications major. I know the spin. Media is an escape. No one wants to see real life because that's depressing. But maybe some reality would be good.

That's where my blog comes in. I'm not some starlet in Hollywood, a social climbing New Yorker, a spoiled Southern belle, or a farmer in the mid-west (did I catch all the stereotypes?). I'm a normal twenty-something girl. I'm the good and the bad and everything in between. And I have real struggles that might not be MTV-worthy but can be pretty interesting on their own. So my hope here is to show a bit of what it's like to grow up or maybe just get older amid all of this. To prove to myself that even a real girl can be interesting. But if you hear of LC having a yardsale - let me know. I couldn't pass up on the chance to raid her closet.

I hope you enjoy and I want to hear from you! Comment along - what's your life like as a real girl just trying to get by.