This car buying thing is consuming my life right now so of course it's consuming the blog. I thought car buying might be fun - there's nothing like a new car smell, flashy accessories, and a shiny bright new car with you behind the steering wheel. The only hesitation I had was the sales people. Let's face it - car salesmen have the rep of being sleazy DBs. I'll be nice and say up front not all the ones I met were DBs but there were some in the mix.
My car buying strategy - don't bring your trade and straight up tell them you're just test driving the car but will come back if you like it. Don't talk money and leave after the test drive. You need time to think and research - don't be seduced by that new car smell and the threat that your dream car will be sold tomorrow. Cars are mass produced so even if your car sold tomorrow a new one would show up in a day or so.
But here's what I want to say to the bad car salesmen out there (all the stuff K and I have joked about):
1. Don't underestimate me. Ever see Pretty Woman? Know that scene where the saleslady won't help her because she looks like a total prostitute and then later she comes back all dressed up and looking gorgeous with a ton of shopping bags. And she says something to the effect of "big mistake, huge". I've always wanted to have one of those moments. Because let's face it we've all been mistreated by some loser out there.
I might be in a hoody and leggings looking like a broke college student but you never know what's actually in my wallet or my intentions. You might not think I know anything about how a car works, and you'd be right, but humor me and at least open the hood (out of all the dealers only one has lifted the hood). When you start to underestimate me - I think you a. don't want the sale because you're not working for it and b. you're questioning my intelligence, spending ability, and reasoning for being there. I'm not wasting my time driving to various dealers, I'm doing my research to find the best car for me, so you can at least act like you want the business.
2. Walk the line. Don't be too aggressive or too passive. This is a fine line. I want you to be professional and pushy enough but know when to back down and just listen. Don't call me 18 times for an update, or when I don't show up right at the designated time. You're not my mother and I don't owe you an explanation for my final decision. On the flip side, don't not try. If you don't try - I'm going to walk away and find someone who does want to play.
3. Know what you're talking about. Hello, I have Internet - don't tell me facts you pulled out your ass and expect me to believe you. You're trying to sell me your product. I'm going to go home and research everything you just told me and you better believe that I want to know more about your car than you do when I come back.
Funniest thing I've heard so far: "Most people pay full price for this car. There's just not a lot of room to negotiate and I don't know when we'll get more in... they are on a boat from Germany." - Stupid Salesperson.
Me - "That's funny, because your car is made in Mexico." (Simple Google search and the car's place of origin is listed on the window sticker).
So, don't quote facts that you can't back up, it's as simple as that.
4. Don't question my choices. If I'm considering two cars and tell you that, sell me on your car. What's so great about x. Don't tell me the negatives about your competition y. Why? Because I don't believe you. You're trying to sell your car. Instead tell me all the good stuff I may have missed on yours. Besides when you start spouting negatives two things happen in my head: a. I think you're questioning my decision making (bad move) and b. I start to defend your competition to defend my decision. If you make me defend the competition I'm naturally going to like it more.
That's all I have right now. I'm still in the same spot I was five days ago but am slowly coming to realize that maybe there isn't a perfect car. Maybe it's more about finding a car I can live with and hoping I can love it later.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Is it time to make a decision yet?
I’ve come to realize there’s a huge difference between how women buy cars and how men buy cars. (These are all broad generalizations which isn’t to say some men may buy cars like women and vice versa).
How a man buys a car:
1. Decides he needs a new car.
2. Goes online and researches cars he thinks he might be interested in, might read a Consumer’s Report or other similar magazine for reviews.
3. Picks number one car.
4. Figures out what he wants to pay for number one car.
5. Test drives number one car. If number one car meets expectations… buys number one car.
How a woman buys a car:
1. Flip flops between whether she really needs a new car or old car can be salvaged.
2. Looks at cars online. Builds cars on every website to get an idea of features and color options.
3. Reads online reviews and magazines.
4. Asks all her friends for an opinion on any car ever made.
5. Decides maybe she can salvage her old car. Stops researching – overwhelmed by all the options.
6. Decides it would be ok just to look. Test drives every car within a fifty mile radius.
7. Agonizes over which car is “the one”.
8. Builds more cars online.
9. Asks random strangers about their cars.
10. Decides everyone is pressuring her to buy a car. Decides old car is perfectly fine despite various problems that had made her previously decide to sell said car.
11. Test drives and/or builds more cars online. Hopes to find “the one”.
12. Finds emotional connection to new car. Agonizes over how to get best price.
13. Buys new car.
Now obviously that’s all supposed to be funny. But the thing is I do feel like it has some truth to it. My car buying process and my husband’s car buying process is completely different. I think he’s actually sick of me agonizing over the car. He’d probably bought a car five test drives ago. I on the other hand recognize I don’t want to buy for two reasons: 1. If I wait just a bit longer something better that I like more might come along and 2. I’m horrible at making decisions especially when there really is no right or wrong decision. Not to mention the fact a car is a big investment. We’re not talking $50 for a skirt that if I end up hating it I can just get rid of it. I’ll have this car for the next five to seven years at least. There’s no need to be hasty about it.
The other point we differ on is what’s important in a car. My husband wants something with decent pick-up and blabbers about motors and engines and taking whichever color car we can get the cheapest. I want one that’s reliable and safe but Sirius is a must have and the color is pretty important (white cars are horrible, I don’t want some silly color like lime green or baby blue, etc). I’m willing to pay $100 more for a better color.
So far, I’m pretty sure I’ve test drove, considered or looked at most cars in a 30 mile radius from my house. They were all ok and all had pluses and minuses. Remember the part about no right or wrong answer? The whole thing has me anxious and wanting to go back to step 5 (I can repair the minor things wrong with my car and hang on to it another month/year).
Here’s my thoughts so far (I won’t name the car’s names):
Ford – I was leery to look American. Let’s be honest American cars don’t have the best reps and with all the bailout issues, etc. But Ford through all of the bailout mess was in the best shape. And the cars look nice. I looked at an Escort back in 2000 my problem then and my problem with Ford now was the car drove rough. Drive a Honda/Toyota/Mazda/need I go on? and then drive the Ford. There’s a noticeable difference in how the car drives. The interior was nice. The cloth was the same as in the Mazda. I’m not sold either way on cloth or leather, so not a huge deal for me. It's interesting though that the cloth in Ford and Mazda isn’t as plush as the cloth in my 2000. The interior had a lot of buttons that scare me. Make it nice but easy. I don’t want eighteen controls to turn on the radio. Overall – it was just okay.
Mazda – The car drove like a dream. They truly have a niche in the four door drives like a sports car market. The cars are even built to look sportier. The inside compared to some of the others wasn’t as flashy, and some of the plastic fittings just look cheap (I’ve heard this before from other people so I don’t think it’s just me). Plus for the price, other cars come standard with more equipment than the Mazda.
Honda – Toyota and Honda’s have the same rep to me – we build sturdy reliable cars but they’re not the car you get excited about. The one I drove didn’t have Sirius and the only way to get it was to go to the next model. A bit of a deal breaker. Plus it had an electronic dash – sounds fancy but I had a car in late 90’s with electronic dash and it was nothing but trouble. I will say hopefully technology has improved over the last 10 years but still….
Toyota – same thoughts on overall impression. Drive is nice. The car is quiet. But to get all the bells and whistles the price increases pretty dramatically.
VW – I’ve heard a lot of negative as far as if the car breaks and needs serving or parts. But the people that have one love them. The gas version drove ok but the diesel had the responsiveness of the Mazda. Diesel scares me a bit though. It’s not like every gas station carries it and I’ve never owned diesel. The interior and standard features are an upgrade over some of the other cars in the same price range.
The thing is if you ask ten people what car they think you should look at you'll get ten different answers. At this point, I almost want to step back and think about it. No need for hasty decisions. although I will admit that probably part of my hang up on the new car is two things: 1. I had a Passat for a rental and loved it. VW has decided the US doesn't get any more Passats and they're making a new car for 2011 which isn't out. The only Passats I can find are white. Yuck. 2. I don't want to give up my car. It's not limping into the service station quite yet and part of me just isn't ready to let go.
I've asked K if we can check out a few more cars tonight. I'm thinking that he suggested I go alone didn't bode well for that. I just want the right car or one that stands out as the best... and I'm just not there.
What's your car buying experience been? Do you agree that men and women shop differently?
How a man buys a car:
1. Decides he needs a new car.
2. Goes online and researches cars he thinks he might be interested in, might read a Consumer’s Report or other similar magazine for reviews.
3. Picks number one car.
4. Figures out what he wants to pay for number one car.
5. Test drives number one car. If number one car meets expectations… buys number one car.
How a woman buys a car:
1. Flip flops between whether she really needs a new car or old car can be salvaged.
2. Looks at cars online. Builds cars on every website to get an idea of features and color options.
3. Reads online reviews and magazines.
4. Asks all her friends for an opinion on any car ever made.
5. Decides maybe she can salvage her old car. Stops researching – overwhelmed by all the options.
6. Decides it would be ok just to look. Test drives every car within a fifty mile radius.
7. Agonizes over which car is “the one”.
8. Builds more cars online.
9. Asks random strangers about their cars.
10. Decides everyone is pressuring her to buy a car. Decides old car is perfectly fine despite various problems that had made her previously decide to sell said car.
11. Test drives and/or builds more cars online. Hopes to find “the one”.
12. Finds emotional connection to new car. Agonizes over how to get best price.
13. Buys new car.
Now obviously that’s all supposed to be funny. But the thing is I do feel like it has some truth to it. My car buying process and my husband’s car buying process is completely different. I think he’s actually sick of me agonizing over the car. He’d probably bought a car five test drives ago. I on the other hand recognize I don’t want to buy for two reasons: 1. If I wait just a bit longer something better that I like more might come along and 2. I’m horrible at making decisions especially when there really is no right or wrong decision. Not to mention the fact a car is a big investment. We’re not talking $50 for a skirt that if I end up hating it I can just get rid of it. I’ll have this car for the next five to seven years at least. There’s no need to be hasty about it.
The other point we differ on is what’s important in a car. My husband wants something with decent pick-up and blabbers about motors and engines and taking whichever color car we can get the cheapest. I want one that’s reliable and safe but Sirius is a must have and the color is pretty important (white cars are horrible, I don’t want some silly color like lime green or baby blue, etc). I’m willing to pay $100 more for a better color.
So far, I’m pretty sure I’ve test drove, considered or looked at most cars in a 30 mile radius from my house. They were all ok and all had pluses and minuses. Remember the part about no right or wrong answer? The whole thing has me anxious and wanting to go back to step 5 (I can repair the minor things wrong with my car and hang on to it another month/year).
Here’s my thoughts so far (I won’t name the car’s names):
Ford – I was leery to look American. Let’s be honest American cars don’t have the best reps and with all the bailout issues, etc. But Ford through all of the bailout mess was in the best shape. And the cars look nice. I looked at an Escort back in 2000 my problem then and my problem with Ford now was the car drove rough. Drive a Honda/Toyota/Mazda/need I go on? and then drive the Ford. There’s a noticeable difference in how the car drives. The interior was nice. The cloth was the same as in the Mazda. I’m not sold either way on cloth or leather, so not a huge deal for me. It's interesting though that the cloth in Ford and Mazda isn’t as plush as the cloth in my 2000. The interior had a lot of buttons that scare me. Make it nice but easy. I don’t want eighteen controls to turn on the radio. Overall – it was just okay.
Mazda – The car drove like a dream. They truly have a niche in the four door drives like a sports car market. The cars are even built to look sportier. The inside compared to some of the others wasn’t as flashy, and some of the plastic fittings just look cheap (I’ve heard this before from other people so I don’t think it’s just me). Plus for the price, other cars come standard with more equipment than the Mazda.
Honda – Toyota and Honda’s have the same rep to me – we build sturdy reliable cars but they’re not the car you get excited about. The one I drove didn’t have Sirius and the only way to get it was to go to the next model. A bit of a deal breaker. Plus it had an electronic dash – sounds fancy but I had a car in late 90’s with electronic dash and it was nothing but trouble. I will say hopefully technology has improved over the last 10 years but still….
Toyota – same thoughts on overall impression. Drive is nice. The car is quiet. But to get all the bells and whistles the price increases pretty dramatically.
VW – I’ve heard a lot of negative as far as if the car breaks and needs serving or parts. But the people that have one love them. The gas version drove ok but the diesel had the responsiveness of the Mazda. Diesel scares me a bit though. It’s not like every gas station carries it and I’ve never owned diesel. The interior and standard features are an upgrade over some of the other cars in the same price range.
The thing is if you ask ten people what car they think you should look at you'll get ten different answers. At this point, I almost want to step back and think about it. No need for hasty decisions. although I will admit that probably part of my hang up on the new car is two things: 1. I had a Passat for a rental and loved it. VW has decided the US doesn't get any more Passats and they're making a new car for 2011 which isn't out. The only Passats I can find are white. Yuck. 2. I don't want to give up my car. It's not limping into the service station quite yet and part of me just isn't ready to let go.
I've asked K if we can check out a few more cars tonight. I'm thinking that he suggested I go alone didn't bode well for that. I just want the right car or one that stands out as the best... and I'm just not there.
What's your car buying experience been? Do you agree that men and women shop differently?
Monday, October 18, 2010
Driving Away
I've had two cars in my life and only one of those was really mine. It's ten years old and I still love it as much as the day I took it home, but I'm getting ready to say good bye.
Izzy and I have been through a lot. I was thinking that today as I drove to work. She's seen me through college, she's seen me through moving north, moving south, buying a house, getting married. If she'd been a friend I'd say we're BFF's. And now, I'm the one whose about to not return her phone calls. As exciting as the prospect of a new car is, it's a bit sad to say goodbye.
So, now I'm at the daunting task of picking a new car. It sounds like it would be fun but it's like walking into a lion pit and hoping to come out victorious. It's all about the game. And I don't really want to play. I want the car to be like buying a Michael Kors dress on 75% clearance at Macy's. I want the original price to be $25,000 with tons of options and the final price to be marked clear as day $17,500. Dream world? Yes. But so much easier than you give me a number before I tell you what I want to pay.
So far we spent much of Sunday driving around looking, test driving, talking, looking at cars. My lunch break today was spent scouting Mazda 3's up and down the east coast. I'm nothing if not loyal to Mazda (I've had pretty good luck with Izzy and the problems I have now are minor). And then my night so far, is no dinner, a quick walk for the dog and more research and adding back in a Jetta for consideration. I've wanted a Passat since I had one as a rental. It was nice. The best rental I can think of to-date (beats out the Mustang which was also a cool rental but horrible visibility and a gas guzzler). The Passat is just a bit big and out of my price range so the Jetta is like it's slightly smaller sister. I had kinda ruled them out - all day I was thinking it's a Mazda 3 but the Mazda dealers don't want to play the game or they're playing too well - offering a measly $1,000 off the sticker price and it's not even that loaded (now I sound like a snob).
The thing is if I'm paying a ton of money and planning to keep this car for a few years, I have to think about what's the biggest bang for my buck and let's just say Jetta's come pretty damn loaded. I'm not even that picky - I want a nice color (I don't like white and I'm not crazy about red or black), I want it to be safe and reliable (I don't need it to fold up in a slight fender bender or be in the shop every other month), and I want Sirius satellite radio. The rest - I don't care. Cloth or leather seats - a toss up. Tons of options - maybe but only if I'd use them (sunroof would be nice but not a deal breaker for me but K is pushing for it). So we'll see... what do you guys think? What car should I buy? Is there something I should consider but haven't?
On the what I've considered note - we've looked at Honda's (K wasn't impressed), Toyota's (they were ok but I wasn't excited about it - do people get excited about Camry's? They're nice cars but they're just a reliable Joe), we've talked about Nissan's (I've had hit or miss with their rentals), I ruled out pretty much all American cars because of the whole bail out nonsense (sorry but I want a dealer that's going to be around tomorrow and let's face it there just aren't that many cool American cars out there for the price and the Ford's I like (Taurus) are too expensive).
Let's start at the beginning. My first car was a big white Oldsmobile the size of a small boat or island - just what a high school student wants. The thing is I did want it. That car was the first bit of freedom. Sure it was a bit large, and the electronic dash cut out at the most random times (I did get great at figuring out speed based on vibration), and it leaked antifreeze but I could go where I wanted (as long as my parents knew). I called her Samantha, Sammy for short. I name all my cars. I don't know why but it gives them personality. And Sammy was a no nonsense type of girl.
When I went to college, my sister got Sammy and I got nothing. My dad said Sammy just wasn't reliable for a two hour trip. After about the fifth time they picked me up they decided a car would be a better option. And so we went shopping. Of course my parents were paying but they at least pretended I had a say in what we got. We drove an Escort, an Echo, and finally my little Protege. We (my parents mainly) decided the Protege was the better deal but did say I could choose between a blue one or a green one. I picked green and named her Isabelle, Belle or Izzy for short (long before Twilight launched any similar names into popularity). Isabelle was a bit exotic sounding and a bit more flash.
 |
| Izzy - my always reliable Protege |
So, now I'm at the daunting task of picking a new car. It sounds like it would be fun but it's like walking into a lion pit and hoping to come out victorious. It's all about the game. And I don't really want to play. I want the car to be like buying a Michael Kors dress on 75% clearance at Macy's. I want the original price to be $25,000 with tons of options and the final price to be marked clear as day $17,500. Dream world? Yes. But so much easier than you give me a number before I tell you what I want to pay.
So far we spent much of Sunday driving around looking, test driving, talking, looking at cars. My lunch break today was spent scouting Mazda 3's up and down the east coast. I'm nothing if not loyal to Mazda (I've had pretty good luck with Izzy and the problems I have now are minor). And then my night so far, is no dinner, a quick walk for the dog and more research and adding back in a Jetta for consideration. I've wanted a Passat since I had one as a rental. It was nice. The best rental I can think of to-date (beats out the Mustang which was also a cool rental but horrible visibility and a gas guzzler). The Passat is just a bit big and out of my price range so the Jetta is like it's slightly smaller sister. I had kinda ruled them out - all day I was thinking it's a Mazda 3 but the Mazda dealers don't want to play the game or they're playing too well - offering a measly $1,000 off the sticker price and it's not even that loaded (now I sound like a snob).
The thing is if I'm paying a ton of money and planning to keep this car for a few years, I have to think about what's the biggest bang for my buck and let's just say Jetta's come pretty damn loaded. I'm not even that picky - I want a nice color (I don't like white and I'm not crazy about red or black), I want it to be safe and reliable (I don't need it to fold up in a slight fender bender or be in the shop every other month), and I want Sirius satellite radio. The rest - I don't care. Cloth or leather seats - a toss up. Tons of options - maybe but only if I'd use them (sunroof would be nice but not a deal breaker for me but K is pushing for it). So we'll see... what do you guys think? What car should I buy? Is there something I should consider but haven't?
On the what I've considered note - we've looked at Honda's (K wasn't impressed), Toyota's (they were ok but I wasn't excited about it - do people get excited about Camry's? They're nice cars but they're just a reliable Joe), we've talked about Nissan's (I've had hit or miss with their rentals), I ruled out pretty much all American cars because of the whole bail out nonsense (sorry but I want a dealer that's going to be around tomorrow and let's face it there just aren't that many cool American cars out there for the price and the Ford's I like (Taurus) are too expensive).
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Deal Breakers
It's been awhile since I've had to think about deal breakers and let's be completely honest when I started dating my husband in college there wasn't a lot on my list. My nice to have lists were probably pretty shallow and revolved around someone who could afford to take me to dinner since my allowance wasn't covering it. My deal breakers did include no jerks, no kids (not that hard when you're 18), but I'm sure it also included things like can't be insanely overweight or stupid.
Talking to a friend today, the subject came up as a joke. She said something to the effect that I was lucky that K didn't have any ex-wives that I had to deal with. I replied, that's pretty easy to do considering we met when I was 18. An ex would have been a major deal breaker at that age.
Now, even though I don't need to worry about it my list would read something like this. Deal breakers: ex-wives, children (I'm just not ready to take on my own child much less someone else's), lack of a job, stupid (conversation is important), eats junk constantly (a little junk food is ok but if you constantly have a pizza in one hand a donut in the other - hit the gym then call me), is a jerk (this is why when I actually watched The Bachelorette I fell for Ryan - the nice guys can finish first)... Must love dogs (I'm just not a cat person), must be funny and not take themselves to seriously, must care about others but not be a pushover, be smart about money, makes good decisions... I could probably keep going.
Sure, deal breakers can seem like this shallow list of traits that men/women meet and you can check off. But I think it can be a good thing. How can you really commit to someone without a clear list of what you want and don't want? It drives me crazy to hear stories about people getting divorced over religion or kids - didn't you talk about that before you got married? Did you think he would change his mind about wanting eight children when you want zero? Or did you think he'd suddenly convert for you? I'm a firm believer that people only change so much. So you need to go into a relationship knowing what you'll put up with (the occasionally dirty laundry on the floor) and what you won't (five baby mamas).
Maybe we need deal breakers and must haves in other areas of our lives. My ideal job has flexible hours, the option to work from home, is creative... My ideal friend compliments my personality (as in we go together not she's dishing compliments left and right), is intelligent, someone that other people want to be around, is a good person... My ideal place to live is close to my parents and my in-laws, is on the beach, is warm... All that does is clarify what you're looking for, things you can settle on and the non-negotiable.
This all being said if your must have list is must be a Victoria Secret's model, a doctor, drive a Porsche, have multiple vacation homes... you know all the shallow stuff that at the end of the day isn't important - than I suggest you examine your own priorities before you make any sort of commitment to others.
So what do you think? Do you have deal breakers and must haves?
Talking to a friend today, the subject came up as a joke. She said something to the effect that I was lucky that K didn't have any ex-wives that I had to deal with. I replied, that's pretty easy to do considering we met when I was 18. An ex would have been a major deal breaker at that age.
Now, even though I don't need to worry about it my list would read something like this. Deal breakers: ex-wives, children (I'm just not ready to take on my own child much less someone else's), lack of a job, stupid (conversation is important), eats junk constantly (a little junk food is ok but if you constantly have a pizza in one hand a donut in the other - hit the gym then call me), is a jerk (this is why when I actually watched The Bachelorette I fell for Ryan - the nice guys can finish first)... Must love dogs (I'm just not a cat person), must be funny and not take themselves to seriously, must care about others but not be a pushover, be smart about money, makes good decisions... I could probably keep going.
Sure, deal breakers can seem like this shallow list of traits that men/women meet and you can check off. But I think it can be a good thing. How can you really commit to someone without a clear list of what you want and don't want? It drives me crazy to hear stories about people getting divorced over religion or kids - didn't you talk about that before you got married? Did you think he would change his mind about wanting eight children when you want zero? Or did you think he'd suddenly convert for you? I'm a firm believer that people only change so much. So you need to go into a relationship knowing what you'll put up with (the occasionally dirty laundry on the floor) and what you won't (five baby mamas).
Maybe we need deal breakers and must haves in other areas of our lives. My ideal job has flexible hours, the option to work from home, is creative... My ideal friend compliments my personality (as in we go together not she's dishing compliments left and right), is intelligent, someone that other people want to be around, is a good person... My ideal place to live is close to my parents and my in-laws, is on the beach, is warm... All that does is clarify what you're looking for, things you can settle on and the non-negotiable.
This all being said if your must have list is must be a Victoria Secret's model, a doctor, drive a Porsche, have multiple vacation homes... you know all the shallow stuff that at the end of the day isn't important - than I suggest you examine your own priorities before you make any sort of commitment to others.
So what do you think? Do you have deal breakers and must haves?
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Are you having a thrisis?
I've been wanting to write this post for awhile. It's one of those ideas that keeps coming back to me but I don't know how to start it. So I'll start from the beginning.
A few weeks ago on the way home Cocktails with Patrick had a guest on who had just wrote a book about "thrisis" (I hope I'm spelling that write). Basically a mid-life crisis in your thirties. Before that I had heard a lot of talk about a quarter life crisis (a mid-life crisis in your twenties). Sure the author had good points. That it's hard to meet people. That all your friends are at different stages. You have huge life decisions to make - babies, jobs, etc. And granted, I haven't read her book or any book on a quarter life crisis, but the more I've thought about it - I want to know is it real? Or are these some made up crises that just explain how people feel at various points throughout their lives?
When I first set out to talk about this topic - I thought I'd agree with the lady on the radio a 100%. Who doesn't have doubts about their career? Where they see themselves in 10 years? I listened to her talk and thought - I've felt like that - shit, maybe I'm having a thrisis early or a quarter life crisis late...
But then as the weeks slipped by, I started to think. Maybe it's not something new. Maybe it's just something that happens pretty regularly and now someone has thought to slap a fancy new name on it to sell a bunch of books.
Think back to any major turning point in your life - going to high school, starting college, graduating college, having kids (well I don't have kids yet but I'm sure it's a big event)... all that stuff is bound to cause other feelings to come up. Things like - am I making the right decision, am I going to meet new people, what about my old friends, what about my relationship with my boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife? Your life is changing for better or worse, of course you'll have doubts.
I remember going to college. I was so excited. I couldn't wait to go. Then I got there and suddenly it was this big scary new world. I remember thinking that this wasn't really what I wanted. It wasn't comfortable. I didn't know anyone. I didn't know what I wanted to do. Was it a crisis? I'm not sure. I don't think so. I think it was just a time for me to examine what I wanted out of life, put on my big girl panties and make some decisions.
So do I believe in all these so-called crises? The more I think about it - no. It's just two things - 1 a way to describe how you feel about any big change or lack of change maybe in your life. Those thoughts that float around saying - I thought I'd have three kids by thirty, I thought I'd be a boss at thirty, I thought I'd have a x by forty, etc. Everyone has doubts and concerns about how their life is going. It's normal. 2. It's a way to justify your behavior. I bought a sports car because that's what a person having a mid-life crisis does. Man up to your behavior. If you do something irresponsible, reckless or impulsive - you did it because deep down you wanted to and now you're looking for someway to blame it elsewhere.
What do you think? Is a thrisis real?
A few weeks ago on the way home Cocktails with Patrick had a guest on who had just wrote a book about "thrisis" (I hope I'm spelling that write). Basically a mid-life crisis in your thirties. Before that I had heard a lot of talk about a quarter life crisis (a mid-life crisis in your twenties). Sure the author had good points. That it's hard to meet people. That all your friends are at different stages. You have huge life decisions to make - babies, jobs, etc. And granted, I haven't read her book or any book on a quarter life crisis, but the more I've thought about it - I want to know is it real? Or are these some made up crises that just explain how people feel at various points throughout their lives?
When I first set out to talk about this topic - I thought I'd agree with the lady on the radio a 100%. Who doesn't have doubts about their career? Where they see themselves in 10 years? I listened to her talk and thought - I've felt like that - shit, maybe I'm having a thrisis early or a quarter life crisis late...
But then as the weeks slipped by, I started to think. Maybe it's not something new. Maybe it's just something that happens pretty regularly and now someone has thought to slap a fancy new name on it to sell a bunch of books.
Think back to any major turning point in your life - going to high school, starting college, graduating college, having kids (well I don't have kids yet but I'm sure it's a big event)... all that stuff is bound to cause other feelings to come up. Things like - am I making the right decision, am I going to meet new people, what about my old friends, what about my relationship with my boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife? Your life is changing for better or worse, of course you'll have doubts.
I remember going to college. I was so excited. I couldn't wait to go. Then I got there and suddenly it was this big scary new world. I remember thinking that this wasn't really what I wanted. It wasn't comfortable. I didn't know anyone. I didn't know what I wanted to do. Was it a crisis? I'm not sure. I don't think so. I think it was just a time for me to examine what I wanted out of life, put on my big girl panties and make some decisions.
So do I believe in all these so-called crises? The more I think about it - no. It's just two things - 1 a way to describe how you feel about any big change or lack of change maybe in your life. Those thoughts that float around saying - I thought I'd have three kids by thirty, I thought I'd be a boss at thirty, I thought I'd have a x by forty, etc. Everyone has doubts and concerns about how their life is going. It's normal. 2. It's a way to justify your behavior. I bought a sports car because that's what a person having a mid-life crisis does. Man up to your behavior. If you do something irresponsible, reckless or impulsive - you did it because deep down you wanted to and now you're looking for someway to blame it elsewhere.
What do you think? Is a thrisis real?
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