Money Matters I

So I started a new post a few weeks ago about another topic but figured since I had a stroke of brilliance today - I'd post this one first then tweak my original post later... we'll see - I haven't been the best at writing - I think life gets in the way... or maybe I don't have as many secrets as I thought - or things I want to share.

We just booked a vacation a few weeks ago. We haven't been on a "real" vacation in two years. I don't consider going to see family or staying a night here or there for obligations (like weddings) to be a vacation. That's a whole other post though... but since we're not millionaires these trips have to hold us over until we can save to go somewhere big. The thing is I put the trip on my credit card and our joint checking is in name only so I'm left harassing my husband for his portion of the trip. And no one likes to be the debt collector (we've both been there and it usually leads to arguments about someone not paying up fast enough).

I love K to death but I could never have a real joint account with him. First I don't even understand how he balances his checkbook - it looks like random gibberish to me. And second while we agree about not incurring loads of debt and trying to save where we can that's where our money habit similarities end.

Side note: for those about to be married or want to get married sometime followers, sit down and talk about money before you tie the knot. Unsexy yes, but you need to know how much debt someone has, how they save, how they spend, their credit score, etc. Spend a few minutes hashing it out and then Google different pluses and minuses to all the ways you can manage your accounts as a team. It will save you so much headache in the future and is totally worth it. That being said, don't even ask people for advice on what to do they'll just bitch when you don't go along with what they want... and honestly you have to do what works for the two of you - whether that means shared debit cards or splitting bills. If it isn't broke don't ask your friends or family to try to fix it.

Back to the point... This is how K sees money (in my opinion and since he doesn't read this then it will have to do): I make x, I want to save y. I will spend my money on the baseball package, yard supplies, going to dinner or buying take-out, beer and stocks. I get upset if my checking account drops below n and I refuse to spend anymore money until I'm paid next. I don't like spending money on clothes and think that twice yearly trips to the mall will tide me over until my birthday and Christmas. My budget isn't written out but is more set in stone than my wife's. I will stress and yell if I can't save y in one month and complain insistently at my wife about over-spending and cutting back.

Here's how I see money (I'll try to be honest). I make x and I save y but my budget is a willy nilly item that floats in my head and I'll know it when I see it. I can spend more this month if I cut back next month. And at the end of the day if I have z in savings I'm ok. I spend money on going out, activities, clothes, shoes, Sirius, clothes (wait did I say that twice). I get frustrated with talks about budgets and spending too much and value mental health at times over saving for savings sake. However, if my checking account drops below n I will have a mild heart attack and stress for days on how I can get rich quick before I get paid or see a pair of shoes I can't live without and any money thoughts float away until the next minor stress attack. I will complain to my husband about being a stick in the mud and saving money for when we're old but not having fun now.

I did pretty good if I do say so myself. This puts us in a bad spot at times. I don't want to spend my hard-earned money on pizza when I could not eat take-out for two days and get a new top. And if I have to pay my credit card - I don't care if you don't get paid for two more weeks - I want the money. I want to spend money on a vacation that we'll remember not trudging to the beach for a day. We don't speak the same language and we didn't buy the Rosetta Stone to learn.

I will say we usually compromise. I'll shell out for take-out every now and then to keep him happy. He agrees to vacations and doesn't raise an eyebrow when I mention I need a massage for mental health. I hide new clothes in the closet to strategically time them coming out, he buys things like mulch and lime without telling me and keeps them in his car for weeks while complaining he gets bad gas mileage (maybe that extra 100lbs you're lugging has something to do with it). Beginning this article - I'll admit I didn't know where it would go - I wanted to vent about how we've been harassing each other for spending but in the end I think I've had an awakening... Maybe keeping a few money secrets is healthy (within reason don't go buy a car and expect your spouse not to find out). It's like peeing with the door closed - there are some things better left unexposed. I don't want to check in every time I buy clothes and he doesn't want to call from Home Depot to see if it's ok to buy random plants. And honestly the big things we have compromised on - we don't go on vacation every year, I don't covet huge designer purses and he isn't buying small forests. Maybe it all goes back to my side bar of making it work for you... Oh and K if you're reading this I'm totally setting you up on a payment plan for this vacation.

Watching Reality TV In Heels...

I love reality TV. It's such a train wreck - how can you not watch? I'm convinced that even the people that turn up their nose and laugh when you say you are obsessed with the Real Housewives secretly are watching Jersey Shore or something equally trashy while all the while proclaiming a love of PBS and classic movies. You can't not watch. It's so deliciously addicting. Like gaining a hidden camera into people's lives. Half the time, I'm open mouthed thinking people can't possibly live like that... oh but they do.

So what's a girl to do on a chilly early spring Tuesday when there's nothing remotely redeeming on TV? I could read a book, or go to the gym (hello - I'm still on the five day a week thing here... I need a break some time), I could call a friend, watch something that would stimulate my brain... or I don't know - see Bravo's latest offering of delightfully mindless dribble. Give you one guess what I picked.... Give up? Bravo. I mean hello, it's Tuesday and unless you're in college shots in a bar with your girls just isn't on the agenda. I'm sorry my life is just a tad boring sometime.

But boy was I glad to have caught some delicious reality TV. First up a Real Housewives of the OC rerun. How can you not love that? Cattiness all around. And then a new show... (let's be honest Bravo has a new reality show out every other week) and no this wasn't a Real Housewives of Oklahoma City/Reno/Austin/Chicago or whatever there next foray will be. It was Pregnant in Heels. Have you seen it?

Here's the basis of the show - pregnant couples in NYC with more money than good sense hire a nice British (aren't all the people on baby shows British? It's like TV execs think Americans are still lovestruck over Mary Poppins and the only people who know how to raise children are from across the pond...) woman to help guide them on this nine month journey into mommy and daddy hood.

This is how Bravo describes it:

"Pregnant in Heels is a docu-drama that follows maternity concierge, fashion designer, and pregnancy guru Rosie Pope as she guides expecting mothers through the joys and perils of preparing to have a baby."

Way to make it sound way more intelligent than it really is Bravo.

Last night's episode featured two extremely wealthy albeit neurotic couples. One who hated babies and wasn't remotely prepared (boring) and a second who was obsessed with baby names. Hold up... baby names. Ahhh - my obsession. Reality TV and baby names... Tuesday night is looking a bit better.

My husband and I aren't really thinking kids yet, but for as long as I can remember I've obsessed over names. The couple last night said it was your brand. And in a way it is - think of name... any name and conjure up who goes along with that name. See. I remember a conversation in college with a guy friend who explained there were hot girl names and not hot girl names... The Bush twins were in the media a lot so he used them as an example - would you rather go on a blind date with a Jenna or a Barbara. His point was Barbara sounded like a 60 year old librarian and Jenna sounded like a fun party girl. Your name carries weight before you walk in the door... wait do I actually agree with the couple??? Well, to an extent yes.

I'll admit to scribbling names I find interesting in my journal, or Googling a meaning. I love names for their history, their ability to carry with it a persona, and for their uniqueness. I can't stand made-up names or forced misspellings but old names that have been forgotten or foreign names that haven't crossed the ocean are my particular favorites. I eagerly wait for the report on the most popular names of a year and hold my breath as I search for my coveted names. If a name I like reaches the top ten it's the kiss of death. If it's in the top hundred, I have to rethink how much I love it. Ava is a great example. I loved Ava. It reminded me of classic movies and sounded a bit softer than Audrey (another favorite) but not quite as overplayed as Eve. Alas, Ava is not meant to be - a few starlets name their baby Ava - the name cracks the top ten list and is lost forever - at least to me.

Another case in point, I obsessed over what to name our dog C. I didn't want a classic dog name - my baby girl was better than a Spot or Rover. She needed something that sounded slightly royal. A name that carried a certain amount of class and prestige. So we came up with C. And as a nod to her purely canine roots - we went with Sweetpea for her middle name. My husband keeps suggesting another dog and really wants to name it Guinness - as in the beer.... Part of me thinks its really cute and yes it's not Spot. But the other part of me, sniffs that its not C. It doesn't have the same weight to it. I think of the beer. I don't think of hundreds of years of ladies in fancy dresses and princesses and literary characters.

This couple took my mild obsession... err...curiosity... and turned it into a full blown case of OCD. They wanted a panel of experts to tell them what names they liked, they wanted focus groups, they wanted a name that said hello, I'm important but there aren't five of me in my preschool. I went to bed before I found out what they picked but I had great fun at laughing at their extreme name search. (On a side note for their daughters they read off something like 10,000 names before deciding on Ruby and Ellie... okay names in the scheme of things but not earth shattering... maybe they needed a focus group for those two). It was crazy. They flip flopped over names more than people change shows. They loved the focus group when they liked a name (Asher) and hated it when they didn't (Bode - I mean really? Is that even a name??). When I stopped watching they wanted a dinner party for their friends to discuss their name choices. I wish I had seen how that went - I know from experience with friends and family saying names you like before you have the baby is a disaster waiting to happen. One person said people gave her suggestions on how to spell the name, another said people came out and said they hated it... The best thing to do - keep it a secret and when the baby is born announce the name. Why? Because no one is going to look at a cute little newborn and say "what you named your baby Fiona? I hate Fiona. My neighbor was named Fiona and she was a huge B. Have you ever seen Shrek? People are going to think she's an ogre..." Want me to continue? No. They'll look at the baby and go "oh isn't she the cutest little Fiona ever" in a really annoying voice people use when they coo at babies.

So... Did you watch it? What did you think? Would you be down for an extreme baby name search? And since I've rambled enough (had to make up for not posting in forever)... I'm off to read. I need a slightly more intelligent choice of how to spend my evening and I've already been to the gym.

Do or Don't - Vacationing with Friends?

So I've been horrible at blogging recently...maybe because I've been going to the gym more often than a Victoria Secret model before the week of the runway show... well maybe not that much but five times a week. And I can't help but brag a bit because even I am impressed with myself. And while I haven't lost that much weight (hello muscle weighs more than fat - just keep repeating)... I have lost inches and a dress size in a month! Even more cheers from me. My goal all along was to be a solid 2-4 instead of a solid 4-6 and last week I bought my first skirt in a 2 in I don't know how many years. I did a victory dance in the dressing room but then harassed the sales lady because I wanted to make sure it fit and I wasn't just cramming the skirt over a muffin top. And this all leads me to... vacation. Because why get in shape if I can't show it off in skimpy bathing suits. Joking of course (in case my husband is reading this). But I have always had a not so secret passion for bathing suits (perhaps one of the few women out there that doesn't dread bathing suit shopping. I live for it. I crave bathing suits as soon as Groundhog Day safely passes)... and so I'm now craving a vacation like no other. (And maybe a few cute new suits to come along for the ride).

Some place like this maybe....

That's a pic of Aruba from our honeymoon. Ok it looks a little rainy and grey but I couldn't find my Bermuda photos on the new computer so this will have to do.

And all this leads me to - we want to vacation with friends this year. Part of me loves the idea. We went with this particular group of friends a few years ago and had a blast but part of me also dreads the idea of going anywhere with friends.

Why? You ask.

I think friends' vacations can go two ways - really great (we had a blast, we love each other now, we're besties for life, look at our cool snapshots) or really bad (I freaking hate that girl, she takes five hours to get ready for the beach, we had to plan out every micro-second of the trip). I've decided you have to be careful about who you vacation with and maybe the best idea is to test the waters with a weekend get-away. (I'd love to go to the Bahamas with you for a week but not in the budget... how about Nags Head for two days).

A mini-getaway is perfect. You get the person out of their element and you see if the two of you can gel for more than the time it takes to get a few cocktails. I know of a few friends off hand that I love to death but know personality-wise we'd kill each other before the week is up. Mini weekend maybe - week hells no.

The perfect friends to travel with (for me anyway) must meet the following criteria:

• Fun to be around - hello no one wants to hang out with Negative Nelly all week. I don't want to hear about every problem in your life as you throw back your tenth margarita before 9 am. I'm on vacation we can dissect your life when we get home. (Sounds bad yes - but let's just relax and have fun).
• Which brings me to point 2 on my list. I want someone in between hardcore party animal and in bed by nine. I don't need to be carrying you back from the hotel bar (I'm not in college anymore) but I do want to have a good time. If I have to worry about your ass drowning in the kiddie pool because you've downed too many tropical drinks you're off my vacay list. And on the opposite end - if you can't miss CSI and Survivor for one week and have to still meet your 9 pm bedtime then maybe you should take your vacay at home in front of your TV. Let's party like rockstars  err aging rockstars that don't want to end up on TMZ and still want to function in the morning.
• I don't want to be micro-managed. It's a vacation. I need someone who isn't going to hit the ground running with an itinerary the size of my suitcase (and since you've never seen my suitcase let's just say I sit on it to close it and weigh it to make sure it's under 50lbs). That being said after a day at the beach I'm ready to sight see within reason so I can't deal with someone who's perfectly fine to just work on their tan all week. Picky? Maybe. But I'm Goldilocks - I want someone whose just right.
• You can't get mad if I want to do my own thing. If we're going with another couple... I don't know maybe I want to have some alone time with the hubs and don't need two third wheels tagging along. I'm not going to get mad when you want to have a romantic dinner and you can't get mad I didn't invite you to tour the ruins with us. We'll catch up over breakfast the next day and have something to talk about.
• Our ideas have to semi-match. If you want the Four Seasons and gourmet dinners and I'm trying to stay at a Days Inn and hit up iHop this isn't going to work out. I want to make sure what I want to spend and what you want to spend is the same. Don't just say oh... you know inexpensive. Inexpensive to me might be $1,000 for the week and inexpensive to you might be $5,000. I want a clear budget in mind before we start planning. And lets agree on where we want to go - if I want tropical and you want Alaska... then I don't know maybe we should go on separate trips and chat when we get back?

I think that's my list. What would be on yours?

And all that being said... help me come up with some amazing vacation ideas that come in at a reasonable price. I'm loving the vacation articles that boast affordable vacays and it ends up being $5,000 a person for the week. Affordable... really?? For Jennifer Aniston maybe.

Get me to the church on time...

So on the way home I caught a radio host chatting about how Jennifer Love Hewitt has apparently pre-selected her engagement ring. Since I haven't followed her since Party of Five and even then followed her would be complaining about her annoying character... I had to Google search the story. Read here. I guess this was big news because I saw it later on Tyler Durden and Perez but I skim both if it's about celebrities I don't really care about so I missed it... If you don't want to read - the jist is she went to Tiffany's and picked out three engagement rings for her future hubby-to-be to select from. (note: article doesn't say Tiffany's but the radio did and I can't see the girl driving to the mall and going to Kay... so let's just go with it).

The radio was taking call-ins about it and if it hadn't been snowing like crazy I probably would have called up... in any case - I have the blog.

You have to hand it to her - she has a point. She knows what she wants and she's not afraid to ask for it. And to be honest, what girl hasn't dropped hints about her dream ring. I gushed about Cushion and Asscher cut diamonds for years before I got engaged. I even went as far as to say I didn't want typical solitare - something different but with a classic updated antique look. Let's just say K paid attention. And to be honest no girl wants to get stuck with a dreadful heart cut diamond (sorry but they are the worse). And if all you wear is white gold you don't want yellow gold. So you need to drop a few hints. But there's a difference between hints and downright demanding. The thing is picking out three rings and then announcing to the world that's what you did just screams high-maintenance bitch and desperate.

I'm almost thirty (yikes - and by almost I have a few years ... let's just say I have over a year), so I've been around the block when it comes to weddings. I've been married almost three years (time flies), I've been with my husband a decade (even scarier) and I've had my share of friends tie the knot... or almost get there. I think JLH is missing the point of a relationship. It's not about the ring. It's not even about that one crazy special day. Or the dress. Or the presents... Or basically any of the nonsense that leads up to the wedding.

It's about what that day means. You're starting a life together and it doesn't matter if the ring came from Target or Tiffany's, if you got married in a barn or a $500 a plate country club. I say all the time one of the hands down most gorgeous dresses I've seen on a bride was a $99 David's Bridal number (actually in my head she's been my wedding standard for absolutely stunning overall look). You can snub you nose at it and flick through bridal magazines in hopes of that $10,000 dress that will give you the body of a model but when it comes down to it - it's not what you pay or how you celebrate. It's what goes forth after all the congratulations has died down.

Maybe the world has JLH wrong, maybe she does really want love. But throwing yourself to the media wolves isn't helping your case. It totally feeds into all the wedding shows on TV - bitchy brides, harrassed bridesmaids, over-the-top parties.... I want to yell at all of them. It's one day. You'll wear that dress for a few hours. No one will remember in a year that you had some fancy-smancy hor d'eouvre that costs $20 a piece. Your friends aren't comparing you to anyone else (well I might be sizing up your dress choices but ugly dresses come in all price points ladies). And to tell the truth for all the build up - it flies by. Every minute is a blink of the eye and by that point you're so ready to just be done with all the planning, you simply forget some of what happened. I couldn't tell you what songs played at the reception. If I think about it I might be able to tell you what we ate. It's not worth working yourself up over it or trying to compete with the magazines. Lord knows I'm a magazine guru but even I know that they're designed to sell merchandise and bridal mags are no exception. They're in the business to push over the top weddings and receptions, expensive dresses, and expensive rings.

Take a step back and just think - is this important when it's all over? Honestly, it's not. (Note: I'm not saying your wedding and ring should look like you got it at the Dollar Store ... I'm just saying get some perspective). Don't demand a certain ring - it's tacky. The ring should be something he picks for you because he knows you'll love it - not because he's afraid you'll say no unless it's a flawless Princess cut diamond. Don't get so caught up in wedding plans - like making sure your flowers are absolutely exactly what you want, that you loose site of the fact it's a ceremony to mark the start of something hopefully wonderful. If you focus on why you're getting married and not on the material things your prospective changes - I think for the better.

And a note on the flowers: I had said I wanted all shades of purples - ranging from blue-purple to light purple to dark purple with my flowers having a few pink roses (my fav rose). I also said something natural - like it had just come from a garden. Well let's just say the flowers weren't all shades of purple, there were blues and pinks and greens and I think white in all the bouquets... but they did look like they had stepped out of a garden (I said I wanted up-scale garden party as the "theme" - low-key but nice)... and they were absolutely gorgeous. Sometimes you just have to leave it to the pros and just relax. That is my number one advice for all prospective and future brides. Stop stressing over what you have to have for your wedding and just go with it. And don't read those stupid to-do list or they'll have you running around like a chicken with your head cut off. Ask your mom or a friend whose been there and done that and the rest will fall into place... and if it doesn't - no one will ever know.

So what do you think? Would you pick out rings for your groom-to-be?

A Little Inspiration To Keep Working Out...

She looks amazing. If I can look half that good by June than I'll be impressed with myself.

Resolutions... Errr A Challenge

I don’t do resolutions. The few times I’ve tried I break them. I make it a few weeks doing something crazy like eating only carrots or exercising three hours a day and then I crack and go on a chips and salsa/pizza binge and don’t see a treadmill for months. Not healthy. I’m not good at people telling me what to do. I can’t do crazy diets or exercise plans because I get bored, don’t see results or can’t see the point in limiting my dairy intake when it’s my most favorite thing in the world. (I could live on cheese and milk.)

This year, I’ve decided to try something new. A resolution of sorts – if you will. I’ve made it a competition with myself to see if I can get in amazing shape by the end of the year. (I’m almost 30 – it’s now or never.) I’ve even decided I want Jennifer Aniston’s body – toned but not crazy muscular or skinny. I used to want Britney Spears’ abs circa the MTV performance with the snake… but that’s unrealistic because a. I don’t have five hours a day to do abs workouts and b. I can’t eat just celery for the next 12 months. So Jennifer is a stretch but not completely out in left field. I could probably even pick someone more realistic like Mariah Carey when she’s skinny but let’s be honest – it should be a challenge not I can eat cake and wine all year and still look ok.

I’m good at competitions though. I turn into Monica on Friends. (A crazy psycho intent on winning.) Who I’m beating – I’m not exactly sure but in my mind all those other people at the gym are my competitors. So is the scale. Every half pound it moves down is a tiny victory. And every extra sit up is like a tiny award with a bunch of clapping. And the other day when my lungs burned and my legs ached on the treadmill, I thought to myself, shut that magazine and keep running. One more minute, then you can die…. Or at least walk and read a page of Glamour.

The one thing I’ve learned in the short week of gym visits at least once a day (I only missed 2 days since New Year’s – well technically 4 but I stayed longer the next 2 days to make it up so that does not even count…) is you have to do what works for you. I could never be that girl that runs mindlessly on the treadmill rocking out to a blasting iPod. I can’t run for hours on end. I’d die of utter boredom before my legs even gave out. I have to mix it up (and actually a friend who’s a bit of a fitness guru said interval training is the way to go). So I’ve been alternating between yoga, pilates, spin class, the bike, the treadmill and now I’m incorporating some weights. And it’s not get on the bike and pedal away like a 9 year old going around the block. I’m constantly changing my speed and incline (well incline on the treadmill). It makes it different and a little fun. Even better I let myself read during the cool down and warm up. Nothing better to motivate you than a magazine full of skinny models in fabulous clothes.

As for diet… well diet isn’t in my vocab. I can’t say no chocolate (well I could because I don’t really like chocolate) but you get the idea…. The second I say no, it’s like I have a bad case of OCD and all I can think about is eating whatever it is I’ve told myself I can’t have. So it’s everything in moderation and amping up fruits and veggies. And I’m going for more fresh. Now don’t get me wrong – I haven’t turned into one of those people that corner you and spout off about transfats and the joy of going all organic. Augh. I read the label but I’m not obsessing. And as for organic – great in theory but terrible for my wallet considering it costs twice as much as real food. I’ll just wash my vegetables and fruits and hope for the best and do organic when I can and it makes sense (Kashi is amazing). Take out and frozen/canned food is easy but not healthy. So I can have it once in awhile but no more binging on Ramen like a drunk (broke) college kid more than once a week. Maybe even once a month if I can really get motivated. I’m actually a little bit excited about all these fun recipes I can try. My friend Roe and I joke about writing a cookbook – so far I have the bread section but maybe I’ll add a healthy eating/low cal section…

So we’ll see how I do come June… or even March. But I’m excited and I think that’s key. I’ll try to keep you posted of the good, the bad and everything in between.

It's all turning grey...

This year has been a series of ups and downs. I think most years are like that. I can think of only a few where all good things happen. But mostly they are tinged with things like oh that was the year my dog died, or that my grandfather died... Even years that were good, like the year we got engaged is also marred with it being the year I got in an accident and totaled his car. So of all the good and the bad - most I'm not mentioning on here... One of the minor things was this is the year I got my first grey hair. This was made equally bad that a month or so later a twin grey hair popped up directly across from it's sibling. Not to mention, they both were smack dab in the middle of my head.

Now I take a certain pride in the fact that I don't color my hair. Everyone colors their hair and aside from a perm back in the 80's and two dye jobs (the 2nd to correct a late night bored college Wednesday) my hair is treatment free. I've never found a color (aside from C's auburn hue) that I like more than my dark brown. It's natural highlights of red and blond are prettier than anything that I've been able to achieve from a bottle. Besides do you know what kind of upkeep it takes to dye dark colored hair? I felt like roots were instantaneous.

The problem is grey hair threatens my dye free hair. And starts to beckon in a time where I'll spend hours and money trying to achieve the color I was born with and that is quickly slipping away. I guess it could be worse my whole head could be turning grey. But these two grey hairs bug me. I was drying my hair this morning and the one popped up (they are always short for some reason as if aside from being grey that can't grow in straight and long like the rest of my hair but instead have a slight curl to them and grow no more than 5 inches before stopping there like a tiny grey string). It seems to glisten in the mirror, waving slightly, like remember me? Did you forget I was still here? If I'm feeling particular angry about it or just sick of having to change up my part - I take a bottle of mascara - rub it between my fingers and attack the two strands until they are a nice shade of black (and plump too).

The thing with grey hair means I'm getting older. It's only a matter of time that I stop getting carded at bars or people start calling me ma'am in places other than the south where everyone over the age of five is a ma'am. Grey hair seemed to signify - remember you're not quite as young as you'd like to continue to believe you are. And I feel adulthood quickly sucking up any remainder of time I can call myself a young adult. So while I can't do much to ward off future grey hair (maybe keep my stress levels down - I don't know?) - I've decided to be more aggressive with my other anti-aging routines for the new year. Starting next week (because there's nothing better than procrastinating), I'm going to remember to slather my face and neck and hands twice a day (instead of once when I'm not too tired or too late) with all the anti-aging treatments I had to have last month. And the grey hairs - luckily I read something about metallic extensions being in - maybe instead of gold I'll say mine are silver? :)