Do or Don't - Vacationing with Friends?

So I've been horrible at blogging recently...maybe because I've been going to the gym more often than a Victoria Secret model before the week of the runway show... well maybe not that much but five times a week. And I can't help but brag a bit because even I am impressed with myself. And while I haven't lost that much weight (hello muscle weighs more than fat - just keep repeating)... I have lost inches and a dress size in a month! Even more cheers from me. My goal all along was to be a solid 2-4 instead of a solid 4-6 and last week I bought my first skirt in a 2 in I don't know how many years. I did a victory dance in the dressing room but then harassed the sales lady because I wanted to make sure it fit and I wasn't just cramming the skirt over a muffin top. And this all leads me to... vacation. Because why get in shape if I can't show it off in skimpy bathing suits. Joking of course (in case my husband is reading this). But I have always had a not so secret passion for bathing suits (perhaps one of the few women out there that doesn't dread bathing suit shopping. I live for it. I crave bathing suits as soon as Groundhog Day safely passes)... and so I'm now craving a vacation like no other. (And maybe a few cute new suits to come along for the ride).

Some place like this maybe....

That's a pic of Aruba from our honeymoon. Ok it looks a little rainy and grey but I couldn't find my Bermuda photos on the new computer so this will have to do.

And all this leads me to - we want to vacation with friends this year. Part of me loves the idea. We went with this particular group of friends a few years ago and had a blast but part of me also dreads the idea of going anywhere with friends.

Why? You ask.

I think friends' vacations can go two ways - really great (we had a blast, we love each other now, we're besties for life, look at our cool snapshots) or really bad (I freaking hate that girl, she takes five hours to get ready for the beach, we had to plan out every micro-second of the trip). I've decided you have to be careful about who you vacation with and maybe the best idea is to test the waters with a weekend get-away. (I'd love to go to the Bahamas with you for a week but not in the budget... how about Nags Head for two days).

A mini-getaway is perfect. You get the person out of their element and you see if the two of you can gel for more than the time it takes to get a few cocktails. I know of a few friends off hand that I love to death but know personality-wise we'd kill each other before the week is up. Mini weekend maybe - week hells no.

The perfect friends to travel with (for me anyway) must meet the following criteria:

• Fun to be around - hello no one wants to hang out with Negative Nelly all week. I don't want to hear about every problem in your life as you throw back your tenth margarita before 9 am. I'm on vacation we can dissect your life when we get home. (Sounds bad yes - but let's just relax and have fun).
• Which brings me to point 2 on my list. I want someone in between hardcore party animal and in bed by nine. I don't need to be carrying you back from the hotel bar (I'm not in college anymore) but I do want to have a good time. If I have to worry about your ass drowning in the kiddie pool because you've downed too many tropical drinks you're off my vacay list. And on the opposite end - if you can't miss CSI and Survivor for one week and have to still meet your 9 pm bedtime then maybe you should take your vacay at home in front of your TV. Let's party like rockstars  err aging rockstars that don't want to end up on TMZ and still want to function in the morning.
• I don't want to be micro-managed. It's a vacation. I need someone who isn't going to hit the ground running with an itinerary the size of my suitcase (and since you've never seen my suitcase let's just say I sit on it to close it and weigh it to make sure it's under 50lbs). That being said after a day at the beach I'm ready to sight see within reason so I can't deal with someone who's perfectly fine to just work on their tan all week. Picky? Maybe. But I'm Goldilocks - I want someone whose just right.
• You can't get mad if I want to do my own thing. If we're going with another couple... I don't know maybe I want to have some alone time with the hubs and don't need two third wheels tagging along. I'm not going to get mad when you want to have a romantic dinner and you can't get mad I didn't invite you to tour the ruins with us. We'll catch up over breakfast the next day and have something to talk about.
• Our ideas have to semi-match. If you want the Four Seasons and gourmet dinners and I'm trying to stay at a Days Inn and hit up iHop this isn't going to work out. I want to make sure what I want to spend and what you want to spend is the same. Don't just say oh... you know inexpensive. Inexpensive to me might be $1,000 for the week and inexpensive to you might be $5,000. I want a clear budget in mind before we start planning. And lets agree on where we want to go - if I want tropical and you want Alaska... then I don't know maybe we should go on separate trips and chat when we get back?

I think that's my list. What would be on yours?

And all that being said... help me come up with some amazing vacation ideas that come in at a reasonable price. I'm loving the vacation articles that boast affordable vacays and it ends up being $5,000 a person for the week. Affordable... really?? For Jennifer Aniston maybe.

Get me to the church on time...

So on the way home I caught a radio host chatting about how Jennifer Love Hewitt has apparently pre-selected her engagement ring. Since I haven't followed her since Party of Five and even then followed her would be complaining about her annoying character... I had to Google search the story. Read here. I guess this was big news because I saw it later on Tyler Durden and Perez but I skim both if it's about celebrities I don't really care about so I missed it... If you don't want to read - the jist is she went to Tiffany's and picked out three engagement rings for her future hubby-to-be to select from. (note: article doesn't say Tiffany's but the radio did and I can't see the girl driving to the mall and going to Kay... so let's just go with it).

The radio was taking call-ins about it and if it hadn't been snowing like crazy I probably would have called up... in any case - I have the blog.

You have to hand it to her - she has a point. She knows what she wants and she's not afraid to ask for it. And to be honest, what girl hasn't dropped hints about her dream ring. I gushed about Cushion and Asscher cut diamonds for years before I got engaged. I even went as far as to say I didn't want typical solitare - something different but with a classic updated antique look. Let's just say K paid attention. And to be honest no girl wants to get stuck with a dreadful heart cut diamond (sorry but they are the worse). And if all you wear is white gold you don't want yellow gold. So you need to drop a few hints. But there's a difference between hints and downright demanding. The thing is picking out three rings and then announcing to the world that's what you did just screams high-maintenance bitch and desperate.

I'm almost thirty (yikes - and by almost I have a few years ... let's just say I have over a year), so I've been around the block when it comes to weddings. I've been married almost three years (time flies), I've been with my husband a decade (even scarier) and I've had my share of friends tie the knot... or almost get there. I think JLH is missing the point of a relationship. It's not about the ring. It's not even about that one crazy special day. Or the dress. Or the presents... Or basically any of the nonsense that leads up to the wedding.

It's about what that day means. You're starting a life together and it doesn't matter if the ring came from Target or Tiffany's, if you got married in a barn or a $500 a plate country club. I say all the time one of the hands down most gorgeous dresses I've seen on a bride was a $99 David's Bridal number (actually in my head she's been my wedding standard for absolutely stunning overall look). You can snub you nose at it and flick through bridal magazines in hopes of that $10,000 dress that will give you the body of a model but when it comes down to it - it's not what you pay or how you celebrate. It's what goes forth after all the congratulations has died down.

Maybe the world has JLH wrong, maybe she does really want love. But throwing yourself to the media wolves isn't helping your case. It totally feeds into all the wedding shows on TV - bitchy brides, harrassed bridesmaids, over-the-top parties.... I want to yell at all of them. It's one day. You'll wear that dress for a few hours. No one will remember in a year that you had some fancy-smancy hor d'eouvre that costs $20 a piece. Your friends aren't comparing you to anyone else (well I might be sizing up your dress choices but ugly dresses come in all price points ladies). And to tell the truth for all the build up - it flies by. Every minute is a blink of the eye and by that point you're so ready to just be done with all the planning, you simply forget some of what happened. I couldn't tell you what songs played at the reception. If I think about it I might be able to tell you what we ate. It's not worth working yourself up over it or trying to compete with the magazines. Lord knows I'm a magazine guru but even I know that they're designed to sell merchandise and bridal mags are no exception. They're in the business to push over the top weddings and receptions, expensive dresses, and expensive rings.

Take a step back and just think - is this important when it's all over? Honestly, it's not. (Note: I'm not saying your wedding and ring should look like you got it at the Dollar Store ... I'm just saying get some perspective). Don't demand a certain ring - it's tacky. The ring should be something he picks for you because he knows you'll love it - not because he's afraid you'll say no unless it's a flawless Princess cut diamond. Don't get so caught up in wedding plans - like making sure your flowers are absolutely exactly what you want, that you loose site of the fact it's a ceremony to mark the start of something hopefully wonderful. If you focus on why you're getting married and not on the material things your prospective changes - I think for the better.

And a note on the flowers: I had said I wanted all shades of purples - ranging from blue-purple to light purple to dark purple with my flowers having a few pink roses (my fav rose). I also said something natural - like it had just come from a garden. Well let's just say the flowers weren't all shades of purple, there were blues and pinks and greens and I think white in all the bouquets... but they did look like they had stepped out of a garden (I said I wanted up-scale garden party as the "theme" - low-key but nice)... and they were absolutely gorgeous. Sometimes you just have to leave it to the pros and just relax. That is my number one advice for all prospective and future brides. Stop stressing over what you have to have for your wedding and just go with it. And don't read those stupid to-do list or they'll have you running around like a chicken with your head cut off. Ask your mom or a friend whose been there and done that and the rest will fall into place... and if it doesn't - no one will ever know.

So what do you think? Would you pick out rings for your groom-to-be?

Is it time to make a decision yet?

I’ve come to realize there’s a huge difference between how women buy cars and how men buy cars. (These are all broad generalizations which isn’t to say some men may buy cars like women and vice versa).

How a man buys a car:

1. Decides he needs a new car.

2. Goes online and researches cars he thinks he might be interested in, might read a Consumer’s Report or other similar magazine for reviews.

3. Picks number one car.

4. Figures out what he wants to pay for number one car.

5. Test drives number one car. If number one car meets expectations… buys number one car.

How a woman buys a car:

1. Flip flops between whether she really needs a new car or old car can be salvaged.

2. Looks at cars online. Builds cars on every website to get an idea of features and color options.

3. Reads online reviews and magazines.

4. Asks all her friends for an opinion on any car ever made.

5. Decides maybe she can salvage her old car. Stops researching – overwhelmed by all the options.

6. Decides it would be ok just to look. Test drives every car within a fifty mile radius.

7. Agonizes over which car is “the one”.

8. Builds more cars online.

9. Asks random strangers about their cars.

10. Decides everyone is pressuring her to buy a car. Decides old car is perfectly fine despite various problems that had made her previously decide to sell said car.

11. Test drives and/or builds more cars online. Hopes to find “the one”.

12. Finds emotional connection to new car. Agonizes over how to get best price.

13. Buys new car.

Now obviously that’s all supposed to be funny. But the thing is I do feel like it has some truth to it. My car buying process and my husband’s car buying process is completely different. I think he’s actually sick of me agonizing over the car. He’d probably bought a car five test drives ago. I on the other hand recognize I don’t want to buy for two reasons: 1. If I wait just a bit longer something better that I like more might come along and 2. I’m horrible at making decisions especially when there really is no right or wrong decision. Not to mention the fact a car is a big investment. We’re not talking $50 for a skirt that if I end up hating it I can just get rid of it. I’ll have this car for the next five to seven years at least. There’s no need to be hasty about it.

The other point we differ on is what’s important in a car. My husband wants something with decent pick-up and blabbers about motors and engines and taking whichever color car we can get the cheapest. I want one that’s reliable and safe but Sirius is a must have and the color is pretty important (white cars are horrible, I don’t want some silly color like lime green or baby blue, etc). I’m willing to pay $100 more for a better color.

So far, I’m pretty sure I’ve test drove, considered or looked at most cars in a 30 mile radius from my house. They were all ok and all had pluses and minuses. Remember the part about no right or wrong answer? The whole thing has me anxious and wanting to go back to step 5 (I can repair the minor things wrong with my car and hang on to it another month/year).

Here’s my thoughts so far (I won’t name the car’s names):

Ford – I was leery to look American. Let’s be honest American cars don’t have the best reps and with all the bailout issues, etc. But Ford through all of the bailout mess was in the best shape. And the cars look nice. I looked at an Escort back in 2000 my problem then and my problem with Ford now was the car drove rough. Drive a Honda/Toyota/Mazda/need I go on? and then drive the Ford. There’s a noticeable difference in how the car drives. The interior was nice. The cloth was the same as in the Mazda. I’m not sold either way on cloth or leather, so not a huge deal for me. It's interesting though that the cloth in Ford and Mazda isn’t as plush as the cloth in my 2000. The interior had a lot of buttons that scare me. Make it nice but easy. I don’t want eighteen controls to turn on the radio. Overall – it was just okay.

Mazda – The car drove like a dream. They truly have a niche in the four door drives like a sports car market. The cars are even built to look sportier. The inside compared to some of the others wasn’t as flashy, and some of the plastic fittings just look cheap (I’ve heard this before from other people so I don’t think it’s just me). Plus for the price, other cars come standard with more equipment than the Mazda.

Honda – Toyota and Honda’s have the same rep to me – we build sturdy reliable cars but they’re not the car you get excited about. The one I drove didn’t have Sirius and the only way to get it was to go to the next model. A bit of a deal breaker. Plus it had an electronic dash – sounds fancy but I had a car in late 90’s with electronic dash and it was nothing but trouble. I will say hopefully technology has improved over the last 10 years but still….

Toyota – same thoughts on overall impression. Drive is nice. The car is quiet. But to get all the bells and whistles the price increases pretty dramatically.

VW – I’ve heard a lot of negative as far as if the car breaks and needs serving or parts. But the people that have one love them. The gas version drove ok but the diesel had the responsiveness of the Mazda. Diesel scares me a bit though. It’s not like every gas station carries it and I’ve never owned diesel. The interior and standard features are an upgrade over some of the other cars in the same price range.

The thing is if you ask ten people what car they think you should look at you'll get ten different answers. At this point, I almost want to step back and think about it. No need for hasty decisions. although I will admit that probably part of my hang up on the new car is two things: 1. I had a Passat for a rental and loved it. VW has decided the US doesn't get any more Passats and they're making a new car for 2011 which isn't out. The only Passats I can find are white. Yuck. 2. I don't want to give up my car. It's not limping into the service station quite yet and part of me just isn't ready to let go.

I've asked K if we can check out a few more cars tonight. I'm thinking that he suggested I go alone didn't bode well for that. I just want the right car or one that stands out as the best... and I'm just not there.

What's your car buying experience been? Do you agree that men and women shop differently?

Deal Breakers

It's been awhile since I've had to think about deal breakers and let's be completely honest when I started dating my husband in college there wasn't a lot on my list. My nice to have lists were probably pretty shallow and revolved around someone who could afford to take me to dinner since my allowance wasn't covering it. My deal breakers did include no jerks, no kids (not that hard when you're 18), but I'm sure it also included things like can't be insanely overweight or stupid.

Talking to a friend today, the subject came up as a joke. She said something to the effect that I was lucky that K didn't have any ex-wives that I had to deal with. I replied, that's pretty easy to do considering we met when I was 18. An ex would have been a major deal breaker at that age.

Now, even though I don't need to worry about it my list would read something like this. Deal breakers: ex-wives, children (I'm just not ready to take on my own child much less someone else's), lack of a job, stupid (conversation is important), eats junk constantly (a little junk food is ok but if you constantly have a pizza in one hand a donut in the other - hit the gym then call me), is a jerk (this is why when I actually watched The Bachelorette I fell for Ryan - the nice guys can finish first)... Must love dogs (I'm just not a cat person), must be funny and not take themselves to seriously, must care about others but not be a pushover, be smart about money, makes good decisions... I could probably keep going.

Sure, deal breakers can seem like this shallow list of traits that men/women meet and you can check off. But I think it can be a good thing. How can you really commit to someone without a clear list of what you want and don't want? It drives me crazy to hear stories about people getting divorced over religion or kids - didn't you talk about that before you got married? Did you think he would change his mind about wanting eight children when you want zero? Or did you think he'd suddenly convert for you? I'm a firm believer that people only change so much. So you need to go into a relationship knowing what you'll put up with (the occasionally dirty laundry on the floor) and what you won't (five baby mamas).

Maybe we need deal breakers and must haves in other areas of our lives. My ideal job has flexible hours, the option to work from home, is creative... My ideal friend compliments my personality (as in we go together not she's dishing compliments left and right), is intelligent, someone that other people want to be around, is a good person... My ideal place to live is close to my parents and my in-laws, is on the beach, is warm... All that does is clarify what you're looking for, things you can settle on and the non-negotiable.

This all being said if your must have list is must be a Victoria Secret's model, a doctor, drive a Porsche, have multiple vacation homes... you know all the shallow stuff that at the end of the day isn't important - than I suggest you examine your own priorities before you make any sort of commitment to others.

So what do you think? Do you have deal breakers and must haves?